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kpopfanfictrash · 4 years ago

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Raise the Barre (Ch. 11)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jimin / Reader

Rating: 18+ (Eventual Smut)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU

Warnings: ANGST part 3! But again, with progress attached.

Word Count: 10,246

Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.

Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.

When you woke Saturday morning, you felt clearer about things than you’d felt all week. Your nap had lasted longer than intended, so when you woke around ten and groggily looked at your phone, you realized you’d missed your opportunity to talk to Finn.

He’d called around seven, but you seemed to have slept through this, and he’d left you no voicemail. Shooting him a text, you tried to stay up but promptly fell back asleep. When you woke to the sun streaming through your windows the next morning, you realized this was it. You’d reached a breaking point.

Pushing aside your covers, you climbed down from bed and began to get ready. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you fixed yourself up as best as you could before leaving the dorm. It was still early in the morning, the air containing a chill while you walked to the coffee shop. Finn still hadn’t responded to your text from the night prior, so you decided to give him an hour before you went over.

It had been three days since your fight in the library. If he didn’t know what to say to you by now, he could figure out what to say when he saw you in person. Steeling yourself for this possibility, you entered the shop and walked to the counter.

Staring at the holiday specials on the board, you felt nothing but numbness. As you ordered a peppermint latte and left a tip, you made a mental note to pick up Noelle one on your way home. She’d been the best friend to you this week – all weeks, really. Despite not knowing what was wrong, she’d done her best to cheer you up and be there for you.

Sipping your coffee at a table in the corner, you stared blankly at your phone. It was strange, being in a place you’d once been happy with Finn and no longer feeling attached to the memory. It was strange, contemplating the idea of breaking up with a cool sort of detachment, as though it were happening to someone other than you.

You wondered if all relationships reached a point where you simply felt tired. Maybe all humans had an emotional cap; a quota wherein all emotions following simply went unfelt. If this was this case, you imagined you might have hit yours.

Once your drink was finished, you stood and walked to place your mug in the bin. It had officially been an hour, which meant it was time to confront Finn at Redfield. Hiking your bag higher, you were about to leave the shop when you heard a familiar voice coming from behind a potted plant.

“Mom, are you serious?” Sabrina said, sounding upset. “This is a good thing.”

Uncertain, you paused. When you glanced around the fern, you saw Sabrina seated with someone unfamiliar at a table. The other person was a woman – older than you and, judging by the conversation, she seemed to be Sabrina’s mother.

Whoever she was, the woman sighed with the tone of someone who’d had this conversation before. “Tell me what’s good about it, Sabrina,” she demanded. “Vlad Copson is recommending you take additional classes outside of Russet.”

“I know.” Sabrina faltered. “It’s just because I asked about the contemporary dance program, though. I don’t… I don’t have a lot of experience in that area.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“I’m not saying it’s anyone’s fault, I’m just saying I want to–”

“We’ve been over this before, Sabrina. You need to work harder.”

Sabrina stopped talking. “I know.”

“Do you, though?” Pulling out her phone, her mother scrolled through her email. “You’ve had every advantage money could buy. Private lessons, an elite dance academy. How could you possibly be falling behind? It’s barely even the first semester.”

“Everyone’s talented at Russet, mom.”

Realizing you were staring, you side-stepped until you were hidden partway behind the fern. Mind racing, you wondered if this was what Sabrina had wanted to discuss. You’d had no idea she was interested in contemporary dance. She hadn’t seemed comfortable in the master class last week – but then again, maybe that’s what sparked this conversation.

It was strange to hear her sounding so small, so defeated. You were used to Sabrina being larger than life. If nothing else, the Sabrina you knew was confident – as soon as you thought this, a different memory came to mind. Something Jimin had said to you inside Dr. Gonzalez’s office.

He’d compared you to Sabrina and mentioned she was more insecure than you were.

“Why don’t you ask one of your friends for help?” said Sabrina’s mother. “Kelsey… or Alex?”

“Katie and Allison,” Sabrina stiffly corrected. “I asked them but um, they didn’t have time. You know… end of semester and stuff…”

She trailed off, sounding uncomfortable and you frowned. Again, you remembered last week’s master class. Sabrina’s friend Katie had stood beside Jungkook instead of helping her out. You’d thought it was weird at the time, but maybe they weren’t as close as you thought they were.

Or maybe they were similar, in that Katie wasn’t the type of person to help someone else when she had the chance to pull ahead.

Her mother made a noncommittal noise. “We’ll, you’ll just have to figure something out then, won’t you? I told you something like this would happen. That boy was a distraction. You’re better off now that you’ve ended things with him.”

Stiffening, you wondered if the boy they spoke about was Jimin, but then Sabrina scowled.

“Eamon was not a distraction,” she said, sounding sure of herself for the very first time.

Eyes widening, you stared. You’d had no idea Sabrina and Eamon were even a thing. Frantically, you thought back and tried to piece it together. You remembered Eamon leaving the dance floor at the club to head upstairs, which was where Sabrina had been sitting. Ten minutes later, she’d stormed into the downstairs bathroom in tears.

Based on what her mom was saying, it sounded as though Sabrina had broken up with Eamon. Immediately, your heart fell, and you wondered if your fight with Sabrina in the bathroom had been part of this aftermath.

“Still,” her mother said. “The time you spent with him was time you could’ve spent practicing! You’re young, Sabrina and ballerinas only perform until they’re thirty-five – if that. You’ll have plenty of time to date later on.”

“I barely even saw him as it was!”

“Maybe I need to cut the hours on your phone again.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Sabrina said tightly. “I need to go.” She stood from the table, chair scraping beneath her. “I told Katie we’d meet to head to a ballet class uptown. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright, then.”

Her mom didn’t seem concerned, waving goodbye like one might an acquaintance. Sabrina hovered a moment before hitching her bag to walk past. You realized you were still standing there, gawping at and swiftly sprang into action.

Pushing your way out the door, the bell jingled above you. You saw Sabrina’s head move but left before you could see if she’d noticed your presence. Hurrying down the sidewalk, you pulled your jacket tighter and kept your head down. That hadn’t seemed like a conversation you were meant to overhear.

Also, you weren’t sure what you’d overheard. As your steps began to slow, Sabrina’s comment from earlier in the year began to make sense. She’d relayed her mother’s advice on success – that only a few women ever made it to the top and as such, if Sabrina helped you to succeed, it’d be detrimental to her.

Having now seen Sabrina’s mom in action, you understood where she got this from. At the time, you’d been mad at Sabrina but now, you felt a strange sense of pity. The possibility of Sabrina falling behind had never crossed your mind and yet, it seemed Mr. Vlad had recommended extra classes. This made you think about what Jimin had said. Everyone at Russet was corrected, at some point of another.

At least you had a support system to fall back on, though; Sabrina had nothing. Her so-called friends had fled at the first sign of conflict and her mother didn’t seem interested beyond her ranking in class. This struck you as indescribably sad.

Unfortunately, you didn’t have time to linger upon Sabrina’s situation – as soon as you entered Redfield’s campus, all thoughts of Russet flew from your mind. Redfield University was such a short walk you’re your campus; if you did break up, it would be so awkward to run into Finn later on.

This was something you would’ve considered in high school, but you hadn’t imagined this to be a factor once you went to college. The realization made your heart sink, realizing how distant you’d become despite living so close together.

As you walked under Redfield’s archway, you exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Orange-brown leaves crunched underfoot, seemingly having fallen from trees overnight. As you wound between dorms, you saw only a few people about at this hour. Pulling your bag higher, you hoped Finn would even be at his dorm.

He’d talked about moving off campus a few weeks ago – there wasn’t much space in the city for dorms, so students often moved out after freshman year, or even during their second semester. Maybe Finn would move further away and solve your concerns about running into each other.

Startled, you realized you were thinking about Finn in the past tense. Shaking this thought from mind, you stuffed your hands in your pockets and walked to his dorm. It took longer this time for someone to let you in – it seemed most of Redfield didn’t wake before 10:00 AM – but soon enough, you were climbing the steps to his room.

Your hands trembled as you walked down the hall, the lack of noise oddly suffocating when you stopped at his door. It took you a long moment to knock; several heartbeats you counted out like a watch.

After a second, you heard movement inside.

“Ben?” Finn called out, a bit groggy. “I already told you. I don’t want to get breakfast, I –”

He pulled open the door, revealing the entire room and you froze.

It was difficult to choose what to focus on first. Finn, in his boxers, Madison tugging on jeans, or the unmade bed behind them in the corner. Your gaze darted to each one in turn until, feeling suddenly nauseous, you stumbled backwards.

When he saw it was you, Finn froze in place. As soon as he came to his senses, he stepped into the hall and tried to shut the door, but it was too late. You’d already seen.

Every emotion you’d felt over the past couple of days rose to the surface. All the horror you’d felt, the self-flagellation you’d done – it had all been for nothing.

Suddenly livid, you began to see red.

“No,” you said, pushing past him. Shoving open the door, you glared hard at Madison. “I think I’d rather have this conversation in here. You should leave,” you informed her.

Finn muttered something which sounded like a curse. Madison glanced at him, startled and Finn slowly turned. Wrestling a hand through his hair, he seemed slightly panicked as he nodded at Madison.

“You should probably go, Maddie,” he said.

Hearing him speak, your vision blurred. He’d called Madison ‘Maddie’ in the library, but it suddenly struck you how familiar it was. How casual, how intimate her name sounded on his tongue. Closing your eyes, you forced the image from mind.

It refused to go.

Swallowing hard, you realized you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t have this conversation right now; couldn’t stay any longer.

Opening your eyes, you quickly shook your head. “I have to go,” you said, pushing past him. “Forget it, Finn. We’re done.”

As soon as you left, you bolted for the exit. Heading for the stairs, your blood pounded in your veins and drowned out all thought. You were grateful for this, since if you had time to think rationally, you’d think about Finn and Madison, half-dressed in the dorm.

Slamming open the door to the stairwell, you were halfway across the lobby when the elevator dinged and slid open.

“Y/N, wait!” Finn gasped, running out. He hopped on one foot as he slid on a sneaker. “Please – please, talk to me.”

You continued to walk. “There’s nothing to talk about, Finn.”

“There is,” he insisted, grabbing you by the elbow and turning you to face him.

Roughly, you shrugged him off.

“Please,” he begged, sounding desperate. “Please. I fucked up, Y/N. I fucked up so badly and I’m sorry.”

Freezing in place, you met his gaze.

You honestly couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Finn was asking you to forgive him. He was asking you to forgive him as though he wanted you to stay. He had cheated on you. Finn was an absolute idiot if he thought you’d forgive him after that. If he thought you could trust him after that.

Immediately, your heart sank because you’d cheated on him, as well – maybe not like this, but you’d cheated all the same.

Some of the anger drained from your body.

“What are you sorry about?” you said, turning to face him.

Finn shook his head. “For… that,” he said. “For you having to see that.”

“Are you sorry for sleeping with her?”

He winced. “Yes.”

Releasing a low laugh, you looked away. A strange thought occurred to you, and you remembered Yoongi’s reaction when he’d said the name Madison. It seemed too coincidental for you to have walked in on their first time together.

Still facing away from him, you asked, “How many times?”

Finn paused. He exhaled, sounding pained and you felt your heart stumble.

“Just once,” he whispered. “But… we kissed last weekend. I was really drunk on Halloween and I… apparently, we kissed.”

It hurt more than you thought it would. Like a physical punch to the gut, you imagined Finn with his body on hers, their lips molded together, and his hands tangled her hair.

Swallowing hard, you nodded. “Oh.”

“It was stupid,” Finn insisted, stepping forward. “The kiss on Halloween – I didn’t even remember it until Madison told me on Thursday. She was there when I came back from our fight and asked if I remembered what happened Saturday. I said that I didn’t. She explained what happened, we got to talking and I…”

“I get it,” you said tightly, looking back. “I don’t need a play-by-play.”

“Sorry.”

“I called you, Finn. Multiple times.”

“I know.” Lifting his palms, he rubbed at his eyes. “I know, but when I got your message… I didn’t want to talk anymore. I thought what I wanted was to break up with you and Madison… she was simple, you know? I was hurt, she was there and it just kind of happened.”

His words sounded so crushingly similar to how you’d felt with Jimin. It was like looking at a warped mirror of yourself and this was when you realized nothing about this was normal. The two of you had hurt each other too many times to ever get back.

“Please say something,” he said. “Y/N, please.”

“What do you want me to say?” you said quietly.

“I – I don’t know.”

After a moment, you said, “Do you still love me?”

“Yes,” Finn murmured.

When you made a dismissive noise, his gaze narrowed.

“It’s true,” Finn insisted, stepping closer. “I do love you. That’s what I realized when I woke up this morning. I rolled over and saw her and I just… I knew, Y/N. I’d made the worst mistake of my life. I woke up this morning and knew I didn’t want to break up after all.”

“Don’t… don’t do that,” you exhaled, looking away.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t try and put this back together,” you bit out, eyes flashing. “If it took you sleeping with someone else to make you realize you wanted me, then I don’t know what to tell you.”

Finn was silent for a moment.

“I know,” he said miserably. “I know that you’re right, and I’m sorry.”

The words hung in the air and you couldn’t help it – you ached. The temptation to give in was right there. The temptation to forgive, to forget and let things go back to normal. But when you looked at Finn, you saw her, and you knew this could never be fixed.

“Why?” you said, voicing the first question you thought of.

He blinked. “Why, what?”

“Why her?”

“I…” He looked down. “I don’t know. She was my friend and then… I don’t know. She was there. Maddie listened to me, she paid attention and it felt like you were slipping further away.”

“So… you slept with her because she listened to you?”

Finn groaned and closed his eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain. I can’t. I can’t explain this away, it can’t be excused… I’m sorry, Y/N.” Slowly, he shook his head. “So, so sorry.”

After a moment, you looked at the elevator. “Is she still up there?”

Finn opened his eyes and nodded.

“Tell her to go.”

Silently, he pulled out his phone and sent a text. Finn waited for a reply and once he got it, slipped his phone back in his pants.

“She’s taking the stairs down,” he said.

“Then let’s take the elevator.”

While you waited for this to come, you crossed both arms over your chest and stared at the numbers. You weren’t going upstairs because you thought Finn deserved a second chance. If anything, his infidelity made it clear you both wanted out. Your constant hurting each other meant more than the love you’d once shared.

This wasn’t love, anyways.

Hanging onto that ideal would only demolish you further. You were going upstairs because you owed that much to yourself. You deserved more than half-explanations and you weren’t leaving until you got them. You and Finn had been together two years at this point. If you left now and ran away, you’d always wonder what if.

When you entered his room, you came to a stop in the center. Yoongi wasn’t here and you felt a twinge of regret, realizing he’d been trying to tell you something Wednesday. Turning around, you slowly sat on the edge of his futon. This seemed a safer option than his bed.

Finn hovered a few feet away.

“So,” you said, looking up. “You still love me?”

“I do.”

Gently, you closed your eyes. “And you think that’s enough?”

Finn didn’t say anything at first, sensing a trap until at last, you sighed.

“It’s not enough,” you said, opening your eyes. “That’s what I was coming over to tell you. Finn, you haven’t even texted me since our fight on Wednesday. You just ghosted me, and I know – I know I’ve done that to you, too. But that’s the point! We keep hurting one another. Is this really the relationship you want?”

“No,” he said miserably.

“Then, what do you want?”

“What do you expect me to say to that?” he said, sounding frustrated.

“You’re the one who’s saying you love me,” you pointed out. “You’re the one who’s saying this was all a mistake. Do you really want to be together still, Finn?”

“Yes.”

“Bullshit!” You gave a bitter laugh. “Don’t just say the word without knowing what it means. Do you want to be in this relationship, Finn? I don’t mean the idyllic version of us. I mean the messy, right-now version. Do you really want that?”

He stared at you, uncertain. “I just… I want us how we used to be.”

“Don’t you see, though?” you whispered. “We can’t be that. I want that too, Finn, but so much has happened. Not just the cheating, but everything else. All the fighting, all the miscommunication. You have a specific idea of what your girlfriend should be, and I’m not it. Not anymore.”

“I don’t need any of that though,” Finn finally said. He sat beside you on the futon. “I mean, yeah. I’d like to see you more. I want to be with you more. But that’s just it. I want you. I –”

“I kissed Jimin.”

Finn immediately stopped. He stared at you a second, as though struggling to make sense of the words. When you turned and met gaze, you felt your heart break again. This wasn’t how you’d planned on telling him. You had wanted to explain, wanted to ease him into it, but it was clear Finn wouldn’t stop until he knew this was over.

His lips parted, and then his gaze narrowed. “When did this happen?”

“Wednesday.”

“So, after…” He paused, as though calculating. “After our fight.”

“Yeah. After you accused me of cheating with him.”

Finn sat back on the futon, a bit dazed. He stared at the wall for a long moment, then looked your way. “Was our fight… was that the reason…?”

“No,” you said sadly. “Or maybe. I don’t know. There were a lot of things. I was confused and upset, so I went to dance and Jimin was there…”

Trailing off, you heard the words said out loud and knew how similar they sounded to his. You had been upset and Jimin had been there. The main difference was, after Finn had cheated he’d realized he wanted to stay and you’d realized you needed to go.

Glancing at him, you waited for Finn to speak, but he didn’t.

“I was crying,” you whispered. “Jimin saw me and he asked what was wrong. He was being so nice and I just… I kissed him. I don’t know why.”

Finn slowly closed his eyes.

Now, you were the one waiting desperately for him to speak. “Say something.”

He shook his head. “I don’t… don’t know what to say. Do you want to be with him? Is that what this is about?”

“No, I – well, I don’t know.”

He opened his eyes in disbelief. “You don’t know?”

“I wanted to come and talk to you,” you said, a bit frantic. “We haven’t talked since Wednesday and I needed to see what you felt.”

“What I felt?” Finn stared. “I felt like I’d fucked up, but I still loved you and wanted us to be together. Now, you’re telling me you don’t want that.”

“It’s not that I don’t want it. It’s just – how?” you blurted. “Finn, you cheated on me. How am I supposed to trust you after this? How are you supposed to trust me?”

His face crumpled a little. “I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. “And please… don’t say that’s all I seem to be able to say.”

You managed to smile, although this disappeared quickly.

“Guess you know me pretty well,” you said quietly.

Finn sat there and stared at the floor for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I do,” he exhaled. “Which is why I have to say… this thing with Jimin. It’s not just a kiss, is it?”

Slowly, you shook your head.

He closed his eyes. “Right. So… what now?”

“I think you know what now.”

Finn leaned back on the futon. “Were you planning on breaking up with me when you came over this morning?”

“I wanted to talk things out with you, Finn. Things have been so bad lately.”

“So, yes.”

“I honestly didn’t know.” You looked at him helplessly. “But after seeing you with her, it all seemed so clear. Finn, what are we doing? We’ve hurt each other so much and we keep on hurting each other.”

“I know.” Miserably, he looked away. “I just… I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Finn.”

Honestly, you weren’t sure if you loved him anymore but seated on this futon, faced with the prospect of not being together, you couldn’t help but reminisce about the past. All the good times you’d spent, the laughter, the kisses and firsts that you’d shared. Finn had meant so much to you at one point. How your relationship ended didn’t change that.

Slowly, he turned, and you saw his eyes were red. “So, is this…” Choking a little, he swallowed. “Are we…?”

Heart breaking, you leaned in and wrapped your arms around him. Something wet landed on your shoulder and you realized he was crying. Hugging Finn tighter, you buried your face in his chest and felt your eyes start to water.

For a long time, you simply held one another and cried. It felt therapeutic, as though everything had changed but for only this moment, you’d found your way back. For a single moment, you let yourself believe the semester had never happened and none of this pain had ever come between you.

It didn’t work completely.

In the back of your mind, your heart continued to ache. The image of Finn with someone else remained and you couldn’t fully erase it. For a moment though, you let yourself play make-believe.

When you left his dorm hours later, you felt utterly exhausted. Finn had tried to convince you to stay longer, but you’d flatly refused. At some point, you needed to draw the line.

Coming to a stop outside Redfield, you stared at the brick archway and realized you wouldn’t see it again. You were single.

For a word which was supposed to feel freeing, it felt oddly heavy. Turning around, you began to walk in the direction of Russet. It didn’t take long to get there, entering Grace Hall and climbing the steps to your room in a numbed haze.

Noelle took one look at you when you entered and immediately shut her laptop. Dimly, you realized you’d forgotten her coffee. You needed to remember to do that tomorrow. Before you could make it two steps inside though, you felt the tears forming.

“Oh, no babe,” said Noelle, descending her ladder. “Don’t cry!”

As you plopped down on the futon, she joined, rubbing your back while you buried your face in your hands.

“I’m sorry,” you said, choking up a little. “I just – Finn…”

“What happened?”

“We… we broke up.”

“Oh, no, babe.”

“Yeah,” you said, wiping your eyes on your sleeve.

“What happened?”

“I…” You hesitated. “He cheated on me.”

“He what?” Noelle rose from the futon. “That crusty, limp lint ball. I will… I will cut off his balls with a rusty spoon!”

“I also kissed Jimin.”

Startled, she turned. “Oh.” Noelle paused. “Well. I’m still going to cut off Finn’s balls.”

Weakly, you laughed. Taking a deep breath, you found the whole story pouring out of you again. Noelle sat down, listening to you speak and nodding encouragingly. Oddly enough, as you told her everything, the weight on your chest seemed to lighten a little.

You’d thought it would be the opposite. This was one of the main reasons you’d kept things inside you for so long, not bothering to tell anyone what you were going through. The idea of burdening others made you feel guilty but talking to your mom had made you realize some truths about yourself.

It was the same thing with Noelle. Seeing her face when you described walking in on Finn and Madison was enough to reinforce you’d made the right decision. She was so livid when you told her, you needed to tug her back to the futon again.

“Okay, but you only kissed Jimin,” she insisted. “You stopped right away! And you know what Finn did? He avoided you for days, decided you were going to break up and then slept with someone else. He kissed her!” she said, arms flailing. “And thought hm, better go in deeper! God, I hate men.”

It hurt to laugh, but you couldn’t help it. Noelle was right. It was ridiculous when she put it like that. Yes, you’d fucked things up but at least you’d tried to fix it. At least you’d been realistic about what had happened. Finn had messed up and just wanted you to forgive him.

“The worst part was he tried to get me to stay,” you whispered, knees curled into your chest. “That really hurt, you know? It was like he didn’t realize how much he wanted me until he’d had someone else. I couldn’t stop thinking… what about the next time? What if every time things got hard, he ran off and stuck his dick in someone else?”

Although Noelle snorted, she shook her head. “He’s dumb, babe. And immature. Men that age always are.”

“I know,” you said quietly, staring at your knees. “But he was my dumb and immature guy. And now… I just feel kind of empty.”

“Ah, Y/N.”

“I know.” Closing your eyes, you shook your head. “It’s stupid, but I keep thinking about all the small things that’ll be different. Like, Finn loves this one video game and I used to send him memes I found on Twitter all the time. Or we were watching this TV show together and now, I’ll have to watch the next season alone. Or Finn won’t text me good morning, or tell me good night and I just…”

“Hey.” Noelle pulled you closer when you began to cry. “It’s okay, babe. Even if he hurt you, even if it was the right decision to break up – you can still be upset about it. You can still love him. Feelings like that don’t go away overnight.”

Weakly, you nodded. You knew Noelle was right but couldn’t help feeling broken. Everyone said the only thing which healed heartbreak was time. It was the only balm to this kind of pain, but on the first day of your breakup, time seemed like such a cruel concept.

“If it makes you feel better,” Noelle offered. “I’ll watch the TV show with you.”

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Weakly, you smiled. “You might end up regretting that.”

“I might,” she agreed, smiling as you pulled away.

Standing up from the futon, Noelle went to your minifridge and opened the freezer compartment. “Fuck weigh-ins,” she said, retrieving your ice cream and grabbing two spoons.

You both dug in, taking a large bite of fudge ripple. The treat tasted like sawdust on your tongue – somehow, you didn’t seem to have an appetite.

“I think you did the right thing, for what it’s worth,” Noelle offered.

“Yeah?” you said, taking another scoop. “Then, why does it suck so much?”

“Love sucks.”

“True.”

“He cheated, babe,” she said, a bit gentler.

“Yeah. I think that’s the worst part, though. I can kind of understand why he did.”

“Oh, no.” Noelle clucked her tongue. “Don’t go down that road.”

Weakly, you smiled. “It’s just… Finn was right. I never had time for him. I didn’t really fit in with his Redfield friends. His schedule always took a backseat to mine and I just… I can understand him not feeling like a priority in my life. What kind of girlfriend does that make me?”

“The strong kind.”

When you looked at her, Noelle seemed deadly serious. Lowering her ice cream spoon, she slowly exhaled.

“You’re a woman with ambition, Y/N,” she said quietly. “I won’t lie, that terrifies a lot of men. A lot of guys want their ego stroked and when their self-esteem can’t be fixed by someone else, they’ll blame you. You’re not a bad person for knowing what you want, though. When you find the right guy, he’ll love that about you.”

Immediately, your eyes watered. It was exactly what you’d needed to hear right now. Leaning forward, you hugged her again and silently thanked Russet Academy for pairing you as roommates.

You stayed awake for a while, ordering a pizza which Noelle forced you to eat. As she put on a movie and you settled into the futon, you thought more about Finn and what Noelle had said.

She was right, you knew. Finn didn’t want the kind of woman you’d become. The kind of woman he wanted wasn’t bad – not inherently. He wanted someone who fit into his life, someone who wasn’t defined by their career. Someone who could leave their job at five and spend time with him after.

It was fine to want those things, but it wasn’t okay to place those things on you. Possibly if you’d realized this earlier, none of this would’ve happened. It was pointless to wonder what-if, though. Before you came to Russet, you hadn’t even known this part of yourself existed.

You and Finn had spent two wonderful years together in high school. That wasn’t something you wanted to forget, but things between you were different now. It would be foolish to stay together while trying to ignore the fact that you both walked on different paths.

Somewhere in the middle of the second movie you dozed off and when you woke, you found Noelle turning off the lights and putting things away. Mumbling good night, you climbed into bed and plugged your phone into the wall.

Finn hadn’t texted, for which you were grateful.

Jimin hadn’t either.

Rolling over, you found you couldn’t think about him right now. There was too much to unpack, especially fresh off your breakup with Finn. You’d said things about Jimin you needed to digest, but you couldn’t afford to do that right now.

Right now, all you could do was start to recover.

By Monday morning, you felt like a zombie. Noelle had done her best to distract you over the weekend, but the looming prospect of Monday drained whatever progress you’d made.

It was the closest you’d ever come to being late to class. The second hand was between 7:59 and 8:00 when you and Noelle entered the room. Setting your things down at the barre, you caught Mr. Vlad’s disapproving gaze before he shut the door.

He began to teach pliés and you found yourself falling into the familiar rhythm. All weekend long, you’d dreaded coming to dance because you knew you’d be distracted. In the past, whenever your personal life had fallen apart, this usually had resulted in mistakes in your professional. Not today.

Today, you let the soothing movement drag you under. The repetitive nature of warm-ups gave a much-needed break to your overworked mind. For the first time in days, your eyes didn’t water for unknown reasons. Overwhelmed with gratitude for the momentary peace, you threw yourself into your exercises at center.

When the time came to find your partner, you spotted Jimin for the first time today. He found you first, winding across the room to stand by your side.

He was silent for a moment, then glanced in your direction. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you said softly.

Jimin’s brow furrowed. He searched your face and seemed about to speak, but then Mr. Vlad began to teach. Falling quiet, Jimin learned the steps alongside you. He didn’t say anything more during adagio, but you caught him occasionally looking from the corner of your eye.

Feebly, you hoped you didn’t look too terrible. This was probably a lost cause, given you’d barely glanced in the mirror before leaving. Not that how you looked was a priority right now. It didn’t even crack the top ten, but you couldn’t help wanting Jimin to see you. Your conversation with Finn had been eye-opening in so many ways.

Not least of all was how you felt about Jimin. Finn had asked if you wanted to date him and you’d replied you didn’t know.

Just a week prior, you would’ve blustered your way through a response. You would’ve said of course, not but you would’ve been lying. Something important existed between you, but along with it came a sinking feeling.

Breaking up with Finn had been the most difficult decision you’d ever made. Everything Noelle had said was right – feelings didn’t disappear overnight, no matter how badly you wanted them to. No matter the pain he’d put you through and no matter the pain you’d caused him.

You had a lot you needed to learn before you began dating someone new. You’d thought you’d known what you wanted before and had been proven wrong. It would be equally foolish to think you knew what you wanted right now.

Besides, you had kissed Jimin while still dating Finn. That was a terrible foundation to a new relationship. Your own words came back to you about trusting Finn. He’d cheated on you with Madison and you knew that if you’d stayed, you would have always wondered if he’d do it again.

Maybe Jimin would always think this about you.

The thought made your chest ache since it could’ve been avoided. If you’d done something differently, if you’d been less stubborn and ended things with Finn earlier, you wouldn’t be feeling this way now.

Such thoughts were pointless though because they weren’t what had happened. It was meaningless to wonder what-if because the point was, you hadn’t. You hadn’t ended things earlier. You hadn’t left when Jimin found you that night. You’d made the choices which made the most sense at the time – or in a moment of weakness – and now, you needed to live with the consequences.

At the end of class, you were packing your things when you felt a shadow fall over your bag. Glancing up, you expected to see Jimin and found Sabrina before you.

Surprised, you sat back. You’d nearly forgotten about the conversation you’d overheard in the cafe but now, it all came rushing back. As you straightened, you caught sight of Jimin as he walked out the door and felt your stomach twist.

You had been hoping to catch Jimin after class to tell him – what, exactly?

You didn’t know what you’d wanted to say. You didn’t know what would be appropriate. Should you say you’d broken up with Finn? You didn’t want to give Jimin any kind of false hope. He should at least know you were sorry, though. You were sorry for kissing him, sorry you’d run away and sorry in general for messing things up so badly.

“Hey, Y/N.” Sabrina adjusted her bag. “Can we talk?”

After a moment, you nodded and zipped your bag shut. “Yeah,” you said as you stood. “Yeah, okay.”

Noelle walked past, hovering when she saw you speaking with Sabrina. Her gaze moved between you. “Are you heading back to the dorm, Y/N?”

“In a second,” you said, managing to smile. “I just need to do something first.”

Noelle nodded, but her gaze lingered before she walked away. You couldn’t blame her for her suspicion. Sabrina had been nothing but rude to you the entire year but now, you had a little more insight as to why.

Somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. You kept contrasting your last phone call to your mom with the conversation you’d overheard. If Sabrina received that kind of support in her own home, it kind of made sense for her to be the way she was with ballet.

Sabrina turned, leaving the class as you followed. You walked beside her in silence until you reached a secluded part of the hall. Here, Sabrina turned and hesitated when she saw you. The difference was startling; you were so used to the version of Sabrina who was constantly on the defensive.

“Hey,” she repeated.

She didn’t add on, so you arched a brow. “Hey. Don’t take this the wrong way, Sabrina but – what do you want?”

Her upper lip quirked. Just as quickly, her expression smoothed to normalcy. “I thought I saw you on Saturday,” she said bluntly. “Was that you in the coffee shop near Grace?”

You paused, debating whether to lie but deciding it wasn’t worth it.

“Yeah,” you said. “That was me.”

“Did you hear what me and my mom were saying?”

Again, you hesitated but before you could respond, she rolled her eyes. “What am I saying?” Sabrina muttered. “I know you were close enough to overhear.”

Unwittingly, you almost smiled. It was kind of refreshing to hear her speak like this again. Your last interactions had thrown you, making you rethink who Sabrina was. Her bluntness was oddly comforting in its normalcy.

“Well, if you know I overheard, why are you asking?” you shot back. “Look – you don’t need to worry about me telling anyone. I’ll forget what I heard, and we can go back to hating each other. I don’t care about your personal life, Sabrina.”

A flicker of something unknown passed over her face. She nodded, curt and you turned to leave – but then she exhaled.

“Wait,” she said quietly.

Stopping in your tracks, you looked over your shoulder. “What?”

Sabrina made the oddest expression, halfway between regret and disgust. “I wanted to apologize,” she said at last.

Eyes widening, you froze. Seeming to mistake your silence for anger, Sabrina barreled on.

“That’s why I wanted to talk the other day in class,” she admitted. “It’s been bothering me all week what went down on Halloween. I wasn’t in a good place then and I took that out on you. I – I’m sorry about that.”

Finally, you managed to shake yourself free.

“You’re… apologizing? To me?”

“Yes. Listen, this is awkward enough without me having to repeat myself.”

Again, you suppressed a smile. Folding your arms over your chest, you forced a stern expression. “Yeah, well, forgive me if I’m having trouble comprehending,” you said. “You don’t really seem like the apology type.”

“I’m not.”

“Then, why are you now?”

Sabrina exhaled and looked away. “I’m not going to pretend I regret everything that’s happened between us this year,” she said. “Most of it I stand by. But… it wasn’t your fault I snapped at you on Halloween. I was down and I was feeling jealous.”

Your eyes widened. “Jealous? Of me?”

She nodded, then looked back. “I got crappy feedback during the master class and then you came over, inviting me out on Halloween like some pity invitation. I know,” she said, catching your look. “Maybe that’s not what you intended, but that’s what it felt like. And then I was at that party, looking around and… I just realized no one liked me.”

More than anything else, this startled you. You hadn’t seen Sabrina much at the party but hadn’t heard anything negative, so you’d assumed she had a good time.

“I never really thought you’d be worried about something that,” you said cautiously. “Whether people liked you, or not.”

“Most of the time I don’t.” Sabrina paused. “Well. I don’t know. It’s hard,” she admitted, playing with a thread on her bag. “For the most part, I don’t. But sometimes…”

“Sometimes you do,” you finished.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I know it’s no one’s fault but mine. I’m the one who pushes people away, who refused to help you when you asked. I was the one who left Jimin on read when he said he just wanted to be friends.”

“He… what?” you said, snagging on this thought.

Sabrina rolled her eyes. “You two really need to work through whatever’s going on between you. But anyways,” she continued. “I was going through a lot and… and I just lashed out. You were the one who happened to be closest.”

“That sucks, but… I get it,” you said.

You really could. It was what you did, after all. You’d done the same thing to Jimin after you got bad feedback at Russet. You’d eventually moved past this as a habit, but you couldn’t fault Sabrina for having the same journey as you.

“Seriously, though.” You tilted your head. “Why are you telling me this? It seems very… out of character for you.”

“I know.” Sabrina considered. “Honestly? I’m not sure. It’d be easier not to, but… then you overheard my conversation with my mom.”

Awkward, you shifted your weight. “Ah.”

Again, you thought you understood. It was difficult to reveal vulnerable parts of yourself. Sometimes it was easier when someone else did it for you.

“So,” you said and then paused. “Is your mom… always like that?”

“Like what?”

“So… intense?”

She gave a bitter smile. “That was her being chill.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Sabrina shrugged. “She means well, I guess. My mom raised me alone after my dad left when I was young. She’s the top lawyer in the city, so she has firsthand experience on how to get there.” Here, Sabrina hesitated. “I just don’t think it’s always been the happiest road for her.”

“Probably not,” you admitted.

“I always thought that’s what I wanted,” Sabrina said softly. “To be like her, but with dance. At the top of my field, not needing anyone but myself. Now… I don’t know.”

Knowing this put a lot of things in perspective. Sabrina had been raised to believe she could only rely upon herself. It was no wonder she’d turned you down so many times.

“Well,” you said slowly. “I don’t think anything is set in stone, if that makes you feel better. It’s only the first semester, after all. There’s still plenty of time to make friends if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah.” She paused. “Maybe.”

You hesitated, and then nodded. “I appreciate the apology.”

“No problem.”

Glancing away, you wondered if this was all. While it helped to understand where Sabrina was coming from, you couldn’t imagine having sleepovers with her anytime soon. It was nice of her to apologize, but that was only a first step. You didn’t have much in common.

Except that wasn’t true, you realized. You had a lot in common, possibly more than you’d given yourself credit for. You understood more than you wanted about where she was coming from.

Turning back, you met her gaze. “So, Eamon?”

Her eyebrows shot upwards. “You heard that?”

“Kind of,” you said, offering a guilty smile. “What happened there?”

For the first time, a touch of sadness entered her gaze. “It’s a long story,” Sabrina said, and then hesitated.

You considered, then said, “I have time. Are you heading back to Grace Hall?”

Although Sabrina seemed surprised, she nodded, and you turned around. As you fell into step alongside her, you thought about how weird this all was. Returning to the dorm with Sabrina, talking and not being at each other’s throats.

Maybe you wouldn’t ever be friends, but you appreciated her attempt at an apology. You hadn’t realized how exhausting it was to have an enemy. To be constantly directing negative energy at something you couldn’t control – you had to give Sabrina credit because apologizing took courage. Taking a step forward was always an act of bravery.

As you walked, you felt your gut twist and an unknown voice whispered in your ear. It’d take an equal amount of courage to make things right with Jimin. Steeling yourself as you left the building, you determined you would do just that.

One step at a time, you’d move yourself forward.

Sabrina didn’t stay long, just long enough to explain about Eamon. Apparently, they’d been hooking up at the start of the year but had become something serious. Sabrina had broken it off at her mother’s insistence, but they hooked up again shortly before Halloween. When she’d ended things a second time, Eamon had been understandably frustrated.

It seemed clear Sabrina liked him, but you kept that thought to yourself. She’d either realize this on her own, or you’d eventually get to the point where you could give her a reality check. Once she eventually left, you lounged on your bed and scrolled through your phone.

As odd as the encounter with Sabrina had been, it’d taken your mind off Jimin and Finn for a moment. Now, left alone with your thoughts, you had time to overthink all your actions.

On Sunday, Noelle had made you go through your phone and delete all old conversations with Finn, blocking him on social media so he couldn’t reach out. You’d balked at this but eventually given in. Clearly, you were a creature of habit – it made sense to set physical boundaries.

Oddly though, it hadn’t been difficult not to text Finn today. Maybe because you’d been growing apart for so long. There had been multiple weeks since the start of the semester when you and Finn hadn’t even spoken for days.

Rolling over, you opened your photos and released a sigh. Finally, you began the arduous task you’d been dreading. Although you’d blocked Finn on social media, you’d yet to go through your old albums to delete. It had felt somehow wrong, as though you were ridding yourself of memories you one day might want.

Starting at the beginning of the semester, you began to delete. You found one from the night you’d moved into Russet and another from a walk at sunset along the river. There was one of Finn in his dorm room, pulling a stupid face at the camera. You deleted each one with a heavy heart, moving on to the next grouping and pausing.

Your scrolling had brought you to Halloween night. You found several photos of you, Noelle and Irene dressed as the PowerPuff girls. More from the pregame followed, with you playing flip cup and Jasmine cracking up. There were some from the couch and a few from when Hoseok had stolen your phone – when you scrolled to the next one, you froze.

The shot was candid, not taken by you, although you were in it. Paulo had made you laugh, nearly doubling over while you sat on the sofa. Irene and Jasmine were also in the shot, but it was Jimin who made you stop scrolling.

He was in the photo too, also laughing but his gaze remained focused on you. The look he gave you – it made your breath catch. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at you like that; like they simply enjoyed seeing you happy.

Suddenly, you threw aside your covers and descended your bed. As you tossed on a coat, you hastily checked the mirror before deciding fuck it, and hurrying out the door. Your coat flapped as you walked, trying to zip this up with one hand.

It was only a block to the boy’s dorm, but it might as well have been across the entire city. Your teeth were chattering by the time you arrived, hurrying into the warmth of the lobby. You took the steps two at a time to Jimin’s floor, hurrying down the hall before you could second-guess yourself.

When you finally reached his doorway, you paused.

Eyes closed, you willed yourself to breathe. You could do this. Completely unconvinced by your lukewarm pep talk, you opened your eyes and forced yourself to knock.

You heard movement inside, saw the handle turn and then Hoseok flung open the door. When he met your gaze, his eyes widened. This fact made you wince, since it was obvious Hoseok knew about the kiss between you and Jimin. Either that, or you looked like an absolute mess. Possibly both.

Staring at you, Hoseok made a noise which sounded like, “Argh.”

Before you could respond, Jimin called out.

“Is that Alex?” he groaned, sounding closer. “Did he break the showerhead again? Because I swear to god, if he –”

Jimin stepped into the doorframe, stopping once he saw you. He stared at you for a moment and Hoseok awkwardly eased himself backwards.

“Uh, I forgot I need to go to the store,” he said, grabbing his coat. Shoving his feet into sneakers, Hoseok grabbed keys from a chair. “Just um, need to grab a few things. Ice cream. Condoms. You know, the usual. Bye, guys!” he said, edging around you. “Have fun!”

Hoseok fairly ran down the hall, his coat flapping behind him.

After a moment, you returned to Jimin. He still hadn’t moved, continuing to stare at you from inside his room.

“Hey,” you said weakly, giving a wave.

His gaze hardened.

“Wait,” you blurted, throwing out a hand in case he shut the door. “Please, Jimin. Just let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, Y/N,” he said, a bit quiet.

“Yes, there is. Can I come in?”

Jimin hesitated, warring with something but finally, he sighed and stepped aside. You nodded your thanks as you passed, stopping inside his room.

It smelled like him. There were the usual dorm smells of plaster and concrete but beneath that was his cologne, his detergent and something unmistakably Jimin. It made your heart clench as you turned around.

Jimin continued to look at you warily.

Seeing him like this tore something within you. It hurt, seeing such blatant mistrust in his gaze. It hurt to stand here and wonder if he was the reason you were single. Deep down, you knew this wasn’t the case, but all the pain mingled and was hard to separate. Looking at him made you feel hurt, yet hopeful; confused, yet still longing.

Broken, you inhaled as you shut your eyes. “Finn and I broke up.”

“You – what?”

You could hear the shock in Jimin’s voice. Shock, confusion – and maybe something else. Something more, which made you long to move closer.

“Yeah,” you continued. “We broke up on Saturday.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment, long enough for you to open your eyes. His expression had softened a little, but not by much. Instead, he cocked his head.

“That’s why you looked so sad in class today,” he said at last.

Apparently, you’d done a worse job of hiding things than you’d thought.

“Yeah,” you said. “That’s why.”

Jimin swallowed and nodded before looking away. He pushed a hand through his hair, leaving several strands ruffled as he lowered his hand. Multiple emotions fled across his expression until at last, he exhaled and looked back.

“How are you?” he said.

It was such a Jimin response, your eyes immediately filled with tears. Of course, with all this between you, his first instinct would be your well-being.

His eyes widened in response. “No – Y/N, no,” Jimin said, rushing forward. Forcing himself to stop, he held himself still. “I didn’t mean to… shit,” he cursed, hanging his head. “Even when I’m mad at you, I just… I don’t want you to be sad, Y/N.”

The simplicity of his statement settled over you, making your heart ache in all its jagged pieces. Jimin was so good. He was so good to you, and you didn’t deserve him.

“Well,” you said with a hiccup. “I’ve been better, but that’s not why I came here.”

“No?”

“I came here to apologize.”

He blinked, but didn’t respond, so you took this as a sign to continue.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” you said in a rush. “I had a boyfriend and no matter how bad things were between us, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. At the very least, I should’ve stayed when you asked me to talk. I – I’m so sorry, Jimin. Things have gotten so messed up.”

While you were speaking, his expression began to change. No longer did he seem angry, but something within his gaze had changed to uncertainty.

Swallowing hard, Jimin looked away. “It wasn’t your fault, Y/N.”

“No, I –”

“It wasn’t.” He looked back. “I knew you had a boyfriend. I knew it, but it didn’t stop me from feeling something for you. I was the idiot. Of course, the kiss didn’t mean something to you. It wasn’t fair of me to… to expect that from you and –”

“It did, though,” you said, cutting him off.

Jimin paused. “What?”

“The kiss. It meant something to me”

Breathing hitching, he stared at you in confusion. “What are you saying, Y/N?”

“I’m saying kissing you wasn’t about Finn,” you whispered, wrapping both arms around your waist. “I didn’t kiss you because Finn and I were fighting. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Because I’d been wondering for weeks what it would be like. That’s why I kissed you, Jimin.”

Staring at you, his expression turned wondering.

“He was cheating on me,” you said, wanting him to know the whole truth. “That’s what I found when I went to see him on Saturday. My boyfriend was cheating on me.”

At this, his face hardened. “He’s… a fucking idiot,” Jimin said, low and intense. “What was he thinking, cheating on you? I swear, I’ll–”

“I cheated on him too, though.”

Jimin stopped talking.

He stared at you for a moment, and something within him seemed to falter. In that moment, you knew he understood. The kiss had been a mistake. You had been in the wrong and still, you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it. Neither of you did.

“That was different,” he said at last.

“Was it?” you said. “I think Finn and I have been drifting apart for a while now. Maybe if I had ended things earlier, things would’ve been better. I don’t know.”

“Maybe,” he allowed. “But you can’t blame yourself for that, Y/N.”

“I think I can a little. I didn’t want to admit we were growing apart. I couldn’t see things were over between us because there wasn’t some big, glaring reason.”

“That’s hard for anyone to do, though.”

“It wasn’t for you,” you pointed out. “You broke up with your ex before college.”

“That was different. We weren’t in love. You loved Finn – or you did at one point.”

Slowly, you nodded. “I did.”

“And now?” The look he gave you was cryptic. “Are you saying things between you are truly over?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Things haven’t worked for a long time. I just didn’t want to see it.”

Jimin stared at you a moment, then his face gradually fell.

“I hate seeing you like this,” he said.

“Like a mess?”

“No. Sad.”

Staring at Jimin, your breath caught in your throat. The way he was looking at you made your heart ache and for a moment, you let yourself imagine a different reality. One where you’d never become enemies and instead, all the passion between you had been put into your friendship. Maybe even more than that.

At some point, Finn had looked at you the way Jimin did now. You just couldn’t remember the last time he had.

Even so, the fact that you’d compared Jimin to Finn in the same sentence was exactly the reason you needed to say what you did next.

“I’m not confessing to you,” you whispered, before you could stop yourself.

His expression flickered. “I didn’t think you were.”

“It’s just…” Trailing off, you shut your eyes. “I’m still hurting, Jimin. I might not be in love with Finn anymore, but I still love him. I don’t want to start a new relationship and have it become a mistake.”

“So. A new relationship would be a mistake?”

“It would be,” you said, opening your eyes. “At least, it would be right now. Finn and I broke up barely two days ago. I’m still hurt and confused and it just… I don’t want to mess anything up by diving into something else.”

Jimin looked at you intently, seeming to understand what you wouldn’t say. You couldn’t be with him until you’d moved on from Finn.

As intense as your feelings for Jimin were, it would be a mistake to start dating right now. The embers of your previous relationship still burned and if you entered something now with Jimin, he would always exist in the shadow of Finn.

If you wanted a chance at happiness – a real chance – you needed to give yourself some time to heal.

“I get it,” Jimin said, however quiet. “You should take your time.”

“Okay,” you said.

You stood there a moment, the silence lengthening between you but not in a bad way. It felt like a new kind of moment – one where you looked at Jimin and for the first time, saw possibilities and not only regrets.

“That’s all I came here to say,” you said softly. “I just wanted to tell you –”

“Y/N?” he said, interrupting.

Blinking, you stopped. “Yeah?”

Meeting your gaze, Jimin kept his own steady. “When you’re ready,” he said quietly. “You’ll tell me. Right?”

Thrown, you stared at him a moment. Finally, you nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I’ll tell you.”

Jimin smiled. You stood there another moment before realizing there was nothing more to say. You’d apologized and he’d apologized. He knew you were single, but you needed more time. You’d tell him once your heart became available again.

Saying goodbye, you left Jimin’s room and when you entered the hall, you felt completely unburdened for the first time in months. This sadness still lingered, a heaviness in your heart from everything which had happened but for the first time in ages, the future felt open.

As you exited the building, you came to a stop on the sidewalk and took a deep breath. The inky sky above you was full of city light and beyond that, were the stars.

When you inhaled, the air burned your lungs but somehow, this provided the clarity you needed. Winter could be like that. It was painful, withering away dead things, but it also made way for new growth to come.

Smiling faintly to yourself, you began to walk home.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading 😊 WE ARE ALMOST DONE! Only the Epilogue remains! New chapters of Raise the Barre will be posted weekly; dates are listed on the series Master List. Requests for updates will be deleted.

RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST

#btsbookclub #bangtanarmynet #jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #jimin writing #bts writing #jimin au #jimin series #jimin dance au #bts au #bts series #bts dance au

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2-cute-4-school · 4 years ago

Text

𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 ��𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚖𝚜

requested by anonie: hi if you’re taking requests could you do an NCT Dream reaction to you crying while studying for exams because you’re stressed? thank you !

Mark Lee

my boi understands the STRESS

he debuted like 6 times and he has more comebacks and schedules than he can count bby is so overworked sometimes °(ಗдಗ。)

i think you’re probably each other’s safe places

whenever mark catches sight of you he just buries himself in your arms and all his stress and worries melt away as he breathes in your familiar scent (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

your hugs? his best medicine

so when he finds you trying to muffle your cries in your hands, hunched over open textbooks, a mess of pens and littered papers around you

his heart breaks just a lil (*>_<*)

why didn’t you come to him?? or at least call him??? don’t you trust him?? is he part of the reason of your tears???? what if-

“mark?” ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

but as your meek voice calls for him he decides that questions can wait

you are his one and only priority

he dashes to your side and engulfs you in his arms─=≡Σ(づ￣ ³￣)づ

“it’s okay baby, you’ll be fine, i’m here, i’m with you”

you just hide your face in his chest and allow yourself to break into sobs that wrench mark’s poor lil heart while mark caresses your back and head

“just let it all out baby, i’m right here, i’ll always be here”(๑´•д • `๑)

he keeps murmuring comforting words as you slowly run out of tears

once you calm down enough to explain the reason of your breakdown to him, he just presses a kiss to your forehead ლ(´﹏`ლ)

“how about you take a rest for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow and i’ll find a way to help you through this, hm? does that sound good?”

you make him promise he’ll stay with you for this night he has no objections (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

he ends up playing his guitar for you with your head on his lap asfdsfksf until you fall asleep and then spoons you after tucking you in

his softness for you doesn’t prevent him from having a serious discussion with you to make sure you know you can always come to him for anything and then ends up helping you study might end up asking for help as well _(T-T*)

Huang Renjun

this boi seems really chill while at home

so i’d say that he mostly minds his business if you’re busy with school work like he’s probably in a corner painting or sumthin’ the lil artsy fairy that he is (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

he does check up on you from time to time to make sure that you’re... you know... alive and breathing?? lol fun times huh

but still, silent comfort IS your love language ∩(︶▽︶)∩

so he kinda assumes that you ALREADY know he’s there for you at any time anywhere in any way you may ever need him

so when he hears a muffled sob from behind the door you’re studying in?

his heart BREAKS ꒰๑˃͈꒳˂͈๑꒱ﾉ*ﾞ̥

but he also doesn’t want to stress you out even more or scare you so he slowly enters the room to find you hunched over your desk

he hesitates for a moment as his chest just clenches in hurt while he watches your shoulders shake with muffled whimpers ˓˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎)

so he walks up to you and lays a gentle hand on your shoulder

he waited for a moment to make sure that you’re comfortable with his presence in such vulnerable moments

and the he just ENGULFS you in a firm embrace and you FINALLY get the chance to ground yourself as you let out all of the pent up frustration in the arms of the person you trust the most (๑◕︵◕๑)

he just pats your head and you bury your face in his chest and you just ✨melt✨ into each other

i don’t think he’d say much tbh (´°ω°`)

there’s a silent mutual understanding that all you need right now is someone- him to lean on when you’re too tired to hold yourself upright

as you start calming down he presses a kiss to your head before speaking softly but firmly

“you’re taking a break, come on let’s eat and then we can have a lazy evening for once” ε-(‘ﾍ´○)┓

“but-”

“oh we can finally try out the fluffy blanket we bought together last week”

he AIN’T TAKING NO FOR ANSWER!!! (￣ω￣)

you spend the evening wrapped up in each other under your blanket with a forgotten movie playing in the background while renjun hums a lullaby’s tune in your ear

Lee Jeno

he has a sixth sense for you

you can’t get away WITH ANYTHING ¯\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯

you stub a toe: aw frick-

jeno, thousands of km away in the middle of rolling his hips into another dimension during practice: something’s wrong ಠ_ಠ

so i think he might notice even before you that you’re kinda breaching your limit

but ba(r)bie isn’t sure how to approach you without offending you since you’re kinda irritable because of the stress ofc he doesn’t blame you

so if he fails to stop you before your breakdown he’s gonna blame himself for sure tho so make sure to reassure him once you’re stable he’s gonna keep a VERY watchful eye over you ( ◉ 〜 ◉ )

he’s 100% READY to be there for you!!!!!

he has fluffy blankets, your favourite sweets and snacks, your preferred take out place on speed dial in case you’re hungry AND your comfort show prepared (•̀o•́)ง

what he isn’t prepared tho?

his OWN heart cracking at the sight of your pain and exhaustion (ಗдಗ)

he LITERALLY CAN’T stop the small whine building up in his chest as he strides over to your side for support

so when you wrap yourself around him like a lil koala, trembling in his hold and muttering through tears that it’s just too much-

his ULTIMATE protectiveness kicks in FULL MODE (ಢ⊱ಢ ｡)

he just scoops you up and burrito wraps you into the gigantic mound of blankets already prepared for you while pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead i promised i’d make it his trademark so here ;)

he *dashes* to bring over all of the snacks AND is already on the phone if you decided you wanted something to eat

basically bf jeno didn’t come to play ║ * ರ Ĺ̯ ರ * ║

spends the rest of the night literally PAMPERING you in anything you need

and most importantly... LOTS OF KITHES AND CUDDLES!!!!( *¯ ³¯*)♡

his baby deserves a chill and lovely night and he’s gonna provide exactly that and the absolute best for you :<

also jeno will gather all of his remaining braincells to help you the next of the day he really seems a smart kid in my opinion

Lee Donghyuck

hyuck is a LOVELY person don’t get me wrong (๑♡⌓♡๑)

but he’s also a tease so he might unintentionally push you to your limits with a few remarks

poor babe really didn’t realize you were going through it

so just imagine his panic once you just burst into tears after what should have been a harmless teasing from him (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

“ba-babe? what happened, did i go too far?? i’m so sorry my love, i just-”

he keeps on rambling and you just cry even harder cuz come on hyuck is just such a thoughtful boyfriend

“i’m really sorry y/n, please don’t cry, i’ll do ANYTHING-” ٩(´Д` ;)۶

you try to explain to him that he’s not at fault for your breakdown

obviously it’s not really comprehensible but it’s enough for hyuck to understand once he hears the words ‘stress’ and ‘exhausted’

he simply embraces you as tight as he can and reassures you that humans have their own limits (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

and that taking a break doesn’t invalidate your hard work and dedication

he understands how overworking can affect a person so he knows how to handle the situation

he proposes taking a hot bath once you’ve calmed down and he adds extra bubbles and a really nice smelling body wash (╯✧∇✧)╯

and after that- YOU’RE ON BED REST!! no excuses

if you protest? you wouldn’t dare

stops you with kisses all over your face before fully shutting you up with a soft but firm kiss on your lips o┤*｀3´*├o

you spend the entire rest of the day restrained in his hugs

you really scared him so he became a lil lot clingy

need to go to the bathroom? he INSISTS to piggyback you there since ‘you need all the rest you can possibly get’ (∪｡∪)｡｡｡

but i reckon you can’t complain since you have the chance to spend some quality time with your also busy boyfriend

my boy will also go to the ends of the world in order to help you the next day to study whether that means burning his own brain or gathering half of nct and his manager to get everything done in time (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

Na Jaemin

it’s literally NO SURPRISE when i say that he’s PROTECTIVEx1000000 of his loved ones (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

so why would you even bother to hide anything from him??

it’s LITERALLY no use

he’s a very very doting person and he keeps tabs on you no matter what, sometimes even uncounciously

and if he’s not there physically? NO PROBLEM!!

texts and calls between he two of you are a very common occurence bubs just wants to make sure you’re well and happy (˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

so unless you’re a top class at acting, good luck in trying to play off your stress and tiredness

but let’s say that due to busy schedules and different timetables it somehow gets past him

babe will be so heartbroken (๑´•д • `๑)

his worry topples over as he freezes in your doorway for a moment at the sight of your defeated form and tear-stained papers

BUT he does a good job in keeping his composure because he can’t risk letting his emotions get the best of him when you need him ( •̀ω•́ )

so he just trudges up to you and SMOTHERS you in the tightest hug possible, tucking your head in his shoulder so you could cry freely hidden away from the rest of the world

he coos a few words here and there, encouragements, compliments, reassurement that ‘you’re more than enough, you just need to take a moment to relax and breathe’ ✧˖°ˈ·*ε-(๑˃́ε˂̀๑ )

otherwise, he’ll leave the talk for the next day when you’re rested both physically AND mentally

after you calm down he helps you put away all your school work you wouldn’t dare oppose him on this for the rest of the day

we all know what’s coming up i’m sorry

COMFORT FOOD!!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

he seats you on a kitchen stool while he cooks whatever you need at the moment, anything his baby wants

honestly he just adapts to whatever you need atm

cuddles in silence? works for him!! wanna ramble? there to listen!! want netflix and chill??? absolutely!!!!

Zhong Chenle

sooo from what i’ve gathered he’s not exactly emotional???

but also have you seen this absolute cutie when jisung was crying at the dream show?? babe was trying so hard to comfort his bff but he also seemed uh.. a bit awkward a bit? in a cute way tho!! (๑⁍᷄౪⁍᷅๑)

but i do think he’ll falter once he catches sight of your state!!!!

so many mental debates too!! (๑′°︿°๑)

‘they’re hunched over, did they fall asleep? wait shaking?? is it cold in here????... fuck no was that a sob?? do i... do i go over to comfort them? but how like do i hug or do i talk or..? what if they break up with me??? shit what have i done recently?? i washed the dishes, i cleaned the dog poop, i took out the trash.. it can’t be this’

my boy is going through THE CRISIS OF HIS LIFE (≖ლ≖๑ )

so he reluctantly walks up to you determined to help

but when he reaches you? *brain fart*

ends up patting your head and rubbing your back, but his touch manages to ground you without overwhelming you even further (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

if you end up pulling him into a hug tho, he won’t hesitate to hold you

while comforting you he finally notices your open notebooks filled with messy writing

he feels weirdly relieved that you’re not breaking up with him and neither is it something *tragic* •(◐﹏◐)•

he’ll let you cry it out before he asks if you’d like some help with your school work he asked fans to send their maths homework so he must be a nerd enough to be able to help you too

but you’re probably too drained（×ω×） to do anything so you two just settle for a cuddle session under a mountain of blankets

and daegal therapy!!!!!Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ who probably loves you more than chenle and he ends up whining jokingly about it

chenle will probably focus on lifting up your mood with jokes and stories and he’d do anything to cheer you up

he might try to spoil you too

and he’s not letting you refuse the ton of food he orders since ‘you deserve to fill up your batteries’ ~~旦_(-ω-｀｡)

i’m sorry for your tummies after the ammount of sweets you shared

Park Jisung

ah nct’s certified crybaby(lovingly)

might just start crying with you because if you cry he cries too

i honestly see him a bit panicky in a delicate situation like this once where he has to deal with *emotions* (｡´>д<)っ彡☆

so he watches from a safe distance at first

literally jisung.exe has shut down

but then poor kid starts feeling guilty about just watching you suffer without helping and comforting you but he’s kinda scared that he’s only gonna make it worse (●’Д’●)

‘come on park jisung think!!! what would-... what WOULD JAEMIN DO!!’

*cue lighbulb going off above his head*

cue calling jaemin and getting scolded for being on the phone with him instead of being by your side but still giving his precious baby advice

jisung probably comes up with a speech before approaching you he’s nervous okay? ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐

he lays a hand on your head, gently caressing you and just as he takes a breath to start his speech, you just look up to him with THE kicked puppy eyes ༼ つ ◕ ‸ ◕ ༽つ and jisung is A GONER꒰ლ✘ㅿ✘ლ꒱

he MELTS into a puddle of uwus and just leans into you, opting for silent comfort and that’s how he found out that cuddles>>>>>>words

he kinda babbles a little while holding you words are hard ya know

he kinda rambles after you calm down too so now you have to calm him down you’re both messes but you’re cute so

so what is the most efficient way to shut him up? peck his lips!!!!

and as he melts into your hold he remembers that ‘wait!! i’m the one supposed to comfort them!!!!’ (•̀o•́)ง

so he throws his nerves out the window for a moment and just cups his entire world your face in his hands and pecks your all over your face

you end up watching some compilations with kitties or something on both your phones untill your batteries die so then you switch to another device gen z behaviour

he also probably gets a call from jaemin too and you figure out that your puss of a boyfriend had to call his friend in order to help you

so you give him that look <(｀^´)>

let’s say he’s taking you out for brunch the next day AND helping you with your school work

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imkylotrash · 4 years ago

Text

Golden

Pairing: Sky x reader

Requests: The reader is Stella’s sister but Sky is secretly in love with her and he confesses. Anonymous

and

Could you write where sky is with a princess of solaria (Stellas sister) and they attempt to keep it secret from Stella and set before the summer of the events on the fate the winx saga is set.

A/N I paired these request because they were so similar and would have the exact same plot line. Will be doing this to a couple of the requests since they’re so similar.

“Free at last!” you exclaim as you walk out the doors of Alfea with Sky in tow. You’ve finally finished your last exam and now it’s time to just enjoy the summer.

“So, what’s your plans then?” Sky asks propping his arm around your shoulders. There’s nothing new in this but you still get butterflies. At this point, it’s just a given whenever he touches you.

“Oh, you know. Travelling through the realms, visiting all my rich friends. I may even buy a yacht just to pass the time.” It’s a bit of an inside joke between you and Sky. He knows you’ll have to return to Solaria and face the dragon.

“What about you? Will you be alright?” You’re a little worried about leaving him here. Stella had decided to dump him just days before the exams once again proving that the girl had no regard for other people. Needless to say, you weren’t the biggest fan of your sister. She always tried to live up to your mother’s expectations and acted more than royally around school whereas you had decided that the disappointed frown your mother wore every time you saw her actually suited her face.

“Yeah,” he says shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “I’ll be fine. I have Silva.” It’s right then and there you decide that there’s a greater need for you here than hiding away back in Solaria.

“You know, my mother is already profoundly disappointed in me. I don’t think it would make much of a difference if I were to stay.” Sky’s smile is brighter than the sun when he realises you’ll be staying right here with him.

“Thank you,” he says hugging you tightly. He’s never been one to share him emotions easily but over the years you’ve learned to decipher his many facial expressions and there was just no way you would leave him right now. Your mother is as delighted as you expected when you tell her of your plans for the summer but you figure she’ll forgive you at some point. The way you see it, there’s a throne waiting for you back at Solaria and you want to enjoy freedom as long as you possibly can. Sometimes, you catch yourself wishing that Stella was the older sister. She’d be much more suited for the royal life but there’s a strict code of conduct when it comes to heirs and you’re the first born so the crown will eventually be placed on your head.

“You won’t be returning with me?” Stella asks as she’s packing up her suitcase. Her tone in stern already setting you off.

“I’ll be spending enough time there once I graduate.”

“Oh yes. The ever-repeating speech on how this is your moment of freedom and you won’t give it up for anything,” Stella mocks clearly upset to be facing mother alone. You feel a pang of guilt knowing what you’re sending Stella back to but the two of you have never been able to see eye to eye especially when it came to mother’s expectations of her daughters.

“You’re welcome to stay here at Alfea if you’d like.” It’s an offer made to be polite because you know she’ll never accept it.

“Please. Someone has to be responsible and return home. Our people look to the royal family for support. We can’t all pretend to be someone else.”

“I’m not pretending, Stella. If I could give you the crown, I gladly would. If I had my way, I’d be just another fairy attending Alfea.” It’s a discussion you’ve had more than once and it’s always the same outcome. You don’t want the crown and Stella does but your mother would never allow the two of you to switch. Stella doesn’t say goodbye when she leaves and you’re okay with that. Instead you head out to find Sky.

“Ready for the summer of your life?” you ask him and he smiles. It passes by too fast. The picnics out on the field, Silva training with you, walks in the forest at night. It’s nothing grand but it becomes the perfect summer on the final day when Sky pulls you aside as all the students start to arrive.

“I have to tell you something. I’ve been wanting to all summer but I was scared I might ruin it.” Your heart skips a beat but you tell yourself that it’s probably not what you think it is. Rather than making assumptions, you stay quiet waiting for him to speak.

“When this summer started, I thought I’d spend it alone and heartbroken over Stella but then you stayed. And I know it seems insane since you’re Stella’s sister, but I just can’t help but feel the way I do around you,” he smiles. It’s too good to be true. There has to be some kind of catch or problem in your way but right now everything feels perfect. You carefully take his hand and intertwine your fingers with his and Sky’s cheeks turn red. He’s always so gentle and kind so you know you’ll have to make the first move. As you stare into his eyes, you notice little specks of green mixed with the blue. You finally close your eyes, lean in and kiss him. Something you’ve wanted to do since you laid eyes on him the first time. You pull away with a huge smile plastered on your face thinking this moment is perfect and then you spot her.

“Stella.” Thankfully, she hasn’t seen you but it’s only a matter of time before she’ll spot the two of you. Hand in his, you drag him with you behind a tree keeping you out of sight.

“Of all the things I imagined you’d say after our first kiss, Stella wasn’t one of them.” He’s teasing you but you feel horrible. Despite your many differences, you do care about Stella and it would kill her to know that you’re dating her ex-boyfriend. You’re not even sure if she’s properly done with him or not and just thinking about her finding out about the two of you is enough to make your skin crawl.

“She can’t know,” you plead looking into his eyes. He has to understand the importance of it. She’s not strong enough mentally to handle this.

“Hey, relax,” he says cupping your cheeks, “how about we keep it to ourselves until we know what this is?” You know you don’t want to give him up but you don’t want to hurt Stella. His offer gives you him and keeps Stella blissfully unaware of the relationship which is good enough for you.

“Okay. Just you and me, no one else can know.”

“Please just kiss me,” he whispers leaning in and you don’t know how you could ever refuse him. Over the next few weeks, you and Sky have stolen moments between classes and nights spent wrapped in each other’s arms. You know you shouldn’t but you love him. One night you whisper it when you think he’s sleeping and he almost gives you a heart attack when he whispers it back.

“I thought you were sleeping,” you whisper-yell trying to hide your face in his chest.

“You’ve been turning around every two seconds. It’s impossible to fall asleep,” he chuckles wrapping his arms tightly around you.

“I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind,” you sigh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks turning on the lamp by his bedside table. It showers Sky in a golden light making him look more angelic than human. It’s not fair how some people look so beautiful without even trying.

“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know where to start,” you reply sitting up and leaning your back against the wall. You want to tell Stella so you can be done with sneaking around. As much fun as it’s been, you’re getting tired of watching Stella try to flirt with him because she decided he was good enough after all. Of course, he’s been turning her down but it just doesn’t seem to click with her. But you also know it’s a risk telling her since she’s not likely to congratulate you.

“I guess I’m just tired of sneaking around,” you finally say. He signals for you to lay down with him again and you have no reservation as you crawl into his arms.

“I’m ready for it when you are. Frankly, I just want to tell everyone you’re mine so the boys leave you alone.”

“Please, you literally have a whole fan club waiting for you at every corner giggling and blushing if you even look in their direction.” Sky has become very popular now that he appears single and you can’t blame them. He is ridiculously handsome and more importantly, he’s kind and patient and warm. Right about now, he’s your favourite person in the whole world.

“I do not,” he protests but even he knows it is the truth. His face is serious when he says: “Maybe we should tell her. I know you wanted to protect her but we can’t hide it forever. You’re expected to marry at some point and so am I.”

“I know. I know. I just feel like a horrible sister.” This feeling of guilt comes as a surprise. You’ve never been that close but you don’t want to be the reason she’s hurting.

“You’re not a horrible sister. Everything you’ve done these past few weeks has been to make sure she didn’t get hurt. It’s not selfish to want to be happy, Y/N.” But that’s just it. You’re already far too aware of your own happiness. It’s the reason you always stay away from Solaria and the expectations of the crown. It’s why you’re lying in bed with Sky right now. You've always put your own happiness first and you’ve never had a problem with it until now.

“I’ll talk to her first thing in the morning then.” He kisses you one last time before you both fall asleep. You wake up to a note from him informing you that Silva had added a morning practice which meant you had no reason not to march into Stella’s room right now and tell her about you and Sky.

“Can I talk to you?” you ask entering Stella’s bedroom.

“If you must,” she replies not even bothering to look at you.

“I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. I’m dating Sky,” you force yourself to keep going even as she goes completely rigid, “and I have been for a while now. I’ve kept it a secret because I never meant for this to happen and I didn’t want to hurt you. But it’s getting serious now and I needed you to know. I promise I’d never ever go for him if I didn’t have feelings for him.” She’s quiet for so long you’re worried she might just never speak to you again.

“I’m not happy you kept it from me but I suppose if he has to date someone else, it wouldn’t be horrible if it was you.” Relief floods your body as you realise that she’s not breaking and she doesn’t hate you.

“Thank you.” This is about as heartfelt as it’ll ever be between you and Stella. You share a moment locking eyes with each other before she turns her back to you.

“I’m going to go then,” you say slowly backing towards the door. Stella doesn’t say anymore but the fact that you’re still breathing is a much better reaction than you’d dared hope for. Immediately after you head to the training grounds to find Sky. Once you spot him, you run right into his arms and he lifts you from the ground.

“I love you,” you say kissing him in front of everyone. It’s so freeing to know that the secret is out.

“I love you too.”

#sky x reader #sky blurb #sky imagine #sky gif #sky #winx saga #fate the winx club #fate the winx saga #fate winx club #winx club #fate winx #fate #stella #stella blurb

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zukoshotleafjuice · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any headcanons about gaang grandchildren and if they all lived how each one of them would be to them? We don't see much about them here

okay SO i love the gaang grandkids - and actually we see quite a bit of them in the legend of korra, probably just as much as we see the kids.

canonically, all the gaang members who had kids also have grandkids :)

so, for the headcanons:

- in canon, aang never met his grandchildren. however, canon is fake and these headcanons will assume he lived and they’re all best friends

- aang, ikki and meelo get into the wildest shenanigans. tenzin complains that aang brings out the worst in his kids but aang always insists it’s worth it - besides, tenzin was always too serious

- constant air scooter races. aang lets the kids win every single time and this always results in meelo running around, screeching that he defeated the avatar. tenzin rolls his eyes but doesn’t quite have the heart to burst his bubble

- he encourages jinora’s spiritual and serious side, teaching her the more obscure airbender myths that her hyper younger siblings aren’t as interested in. they meditate together and discuss the spirit world and the things aang has seen in his role as the bridge between the humans and spirits.

- we know literally nothing about rohan since he was a newborn in LOK, but I like the idea that he’s a bit of a dreamy, artistic free spirit. more like jinora than meelo, but even more prone to getting lost, wandering around with his head in the clouds. aang loves rohan’s imagination and creativity, and definitely introduces him to artists in republic city

- katara and jinora get along like a house on fire. they’re very similar people - jinora is an airbender, but as a kid she would watch katara waterbend and secretly practice her movements. katara passes on water tribe traditions to all her grandchildren, but they resonate the most with jinora. she loves listening to the stories and the mythology of the water tribe, learning about tui and la, about the moon spirit who was her grandmother’s friend and who promises to watch over jinora and her siblings as long as they live

- ikki loves it when katara braids her hair. she wears hair loopies all the time, even though they’ve long been out of style in the water tribes. her grandma likes them, so ikki knows they must be cool. ikki and katara go penguin sledding together every time they’re in the water tribe - it’s ikki’s favourite activity and she’s never quite sure why katara tears up slightly every time they do it. katara also teaches ikki SWT cooking - it’s very meat centric and tenzin isn’t thrilled with his airbending kids eating meat, but katara always reminds him with a glare that those kids are as water tribe as they are air nomad

- zuko has the best relationship ever with his grandson iroh. when he found out that izumi was planning to name her son after uncle iroh, he straight up sobbed

- zuko ends up being a very uncle-iroh like figure to his grandson iroh II. lots of sage advice, tea-making and pai sho sessions. zuko sees a lot of himself in his grandson - they have the same impulsivity, reckless streak, ruthless determination and voice. he recognises that iroh II needs that same guidance and voice of reason to help him channel his intensity, turn it into something productive. it’s too easy for people like them to turn to self-destruction when things don’t go their way, so zuko makes sure that iroh II knows how to develop healthy coping mechanisms so that he never ends up suffering the way zuko did

- zuko’s a little unsure when iroh chooses to go into the military, but he sees how well he takes to that life. he’s the proudest grandpa ever when iroh II gets the title of the youngest general in history

- toph has the most complicated relationship with her grandkids. it’s not strained, but it’s not too close either given that she retired to the forest and became a hermit when they were very young. but we see in korra that opal has only fond memories of her grandmother and clearly loves her a lot.

- toph shows affection brutally. she’s never brutal, exactly, but she can be stern in the best way possible. she always makes sure her grandkids know to never take shit from anybody, to always get back up and never to let anyone talk down to them. she’s insistent that opal, especially, learns this - opal is naturally shy and reserved, and toph is determined that nobody ever takes that as an excuse to talk down to her

- opal’s a little insecure about the fact that her mother and grandmother are such famous earthbenders while she is a non-bender. when toph hears about this, she ruffles opal’s hair and says “don’t be silly, kiddo. my best friend’s a non-bender, and he’s the strongest guy i know”

- she then threatens to end the life of anyone who gives her granddaughter shit for being a non-bender. nobody dares say anything to opal after that

- as toph feels herself growing older, she starts returning to zaofu and republic city more often. she spends more time with her grandkids, becoming their go-to advice person and resident eccentric old lady.

- bonus: i love the concept of bumi having an airbender daughter before he develops airbending himself. it would create a really interesting family dynamic since the child would have to spend a lot of time on air temple island with tenzin. also it would help bumi feel more connected to his airbender roots. this is the most out there headcanon but it’s my emotional support headcanon and i love it. it actually has nothing to do with your ask but i felt the need to share anyway

#atla #avatar the last airbender #aang #zuko #katara #the legend of korra #korra #jinora #iroh ii #ikki #opal #opal beifong #tenzin #toph #toph beifong #gaang kids headcanons #my posts #asks

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stellamore-after-dark · 4 years ago

Note

Headcanons on how the LIs would react to the Oracle suggesting they could start a family once their situation becomes more peaceful.

This request is, as the kids say, “BUSSIN’” (Admin Yara help!!! My older millennial is showing 😫)

Cipactli:

Surprise will be the first thing that crosses his features. Sure, as a royal its was always expected of him to produce an heir to the thrown, however he never expected to find someone he truly loved and that would love him back in order to do so. And then you entered his life and basically turned it upside down and now you have the AUDACITY to come in and tell him that you want to start a family with all misty eyed and looking the way you do.....sign him the fuck up.

He will be so thrilled and just might get slightly misty eyed with you. After all that has happened in Huatzintepec and now finally living in a world surrounded by true peace; he couldn’t imagine a more perfect world and partner to raise and grow a family in and with.

Regardless of wether you both decide to adopt or have your child the fact remains that Cipactli will absolutely R E A D E V E R Y B O O K A V A I L A B L E that might help/ease him into parenthood an DESPITE his preparations he still was not ready (cause who really is am I right). As soon as the child is here he will panic; is he good enough, is he prepared enough, will his child love him, etc., etc. You will most definitely need to help him get out of his own head and reassure him that he will be a wonderful father.

Mukondi:

Mukondi would be ecstatic at the idea of starting a family with you. Although she will be slightly apprehensive at first due to her duties as the human representative of Saiph; most of her insecurities and fears would lie on whether or not she would spend enough time with your child when, as it is, she barely has enough time for herself. Of course, this would be something discussed between you both before any definite decision is made and you both mutually agree that this would be easily solvable by hiring or staff/representatives to take her place in her absence (make👏🏻her👏🏻 realize👏🏻she’s👏🏻not👏🏻an👏🏻island👏🏻and👏🏻it’s👏🏻OK👏🏻TO👏🏻ASK👏🏻FOR👏🏻HELP👏🏻AND👏🏻NOT👏🏻BEAR👏🏻EVERYTHING👏🏻ON👏🏻HER👏🏻OWN👏🏻).

She would be the first one to bring you ideas for baby names whether you like it or not. Lists, upon lists of baby names and meanings, Mukondi does not want to give her child a basic name that everyone has. To her there is allot in a name and it’s important to her that this child knows the thought and care that was meticulous placed in choosing a name that they would be proud to bear.

Mama Mukondi is simply the best mother, hands down, no 🧢. She will spoil them rotten but she isn’t above disciplining when she has to. When it comes to her family pride is the only word that comes to minds, so many things were lost during that time in Huatzintepec but so much more was gained, and for that she couldn’t be more grateful.

Ariki:

At first, he’s super excited, 10/10 yes lets have a child together (very excite, much wow). However, after his initial reaction, there may be some doubts that will settles in. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he needs to make sure that this child will be supported and loved by both of you. By this, his intentions are not doubt IN you or your capabilities to love anyone but it’s more security that he seeks in your relationship.

It is commonly known for merfolk to be very particular about their life partners, some spend years assessing and building a relationship until finally they feel secure enough to start dating, get married, etc. and this is no exception when it comes to building a family together. There is no doubt in Ariki’s mind that the depth of is love for you is endless, so even though he has his initial hesitations, it’s not something you can both talk about. Set up a game plan, share your insecurities, assure him about your intentions, be completely transparent. Once everything is discussed you can expect Ariki to go right back to the happy baby boi that he was when you first mentioned starting a family together.

Expect Ariki to be super excited about decorating his future child’s room. He would come up with motifs and colors, and of course you would put everything into a cohesive idea which you can both execute without the child’s room being overwhelmed with Ariki’s excitement. HAND MADE DECORATIONS FROM PAPA ARIKI!!!!

Dior:

“....so like...you wanna get a puppy or something...?” (let me also express that if you have a puppo/catto that you call family you are very valid cause same...anyways) Don’t hold your breath on getting an excitable reaction from Dior...you won’t. They might even, lowkey, seem repulsed by the idea of family mainly cause most of the time it involves children.

Look me in the eyes and tell me that Dior would find the idea of a small humanoid being that needs constant attention, screams when displeased, and might have the nerve to grow up and defy any rule set in place by Dior appealing in the slightest. Dior already fills out all those position why in the world would they want a second them. But being serious for a moment; Dior, much like Ariki or any species of merfolk, most definitely consider this a very prominent step in their future. So it is a very real thing that Dior may suggest getting a pet before a child. Much like Ariki, sit down with them, talk with them, discuss any insecurities (cause believe me they’re there). And in reality, it might take a long time for Dior to come around to the idea of a family with you. The one thing that Dior most certainly wants to make sure is that you know that they love you and they consider you their family/whole world regardless of children status.

EVENTUALLY, and with lots of physical, emotional, and mental preparations, Dior will come around, they might lean more towards adopting a child that may be slightly older but still young enough that they can help raise. Trust and believe that Dior will have matching outfits with their mini me. “You may be only 3′ tall and know a total of 4 syllables but thats not an excuse to not look your best, especially not when you’re with me”.

Waauru:

You and Waauru must’ve been together for a long time for you to bring up the possibility of raising a family together, and even more surprising still that she agreed so plainly to you.

Waauru is not one to beat around the bush specially not when it comes to you, she has always prided herself of being completely open to you. You will always know how she’s feeling even when she tries to shut you out, so when the time came in which you began to plan, envision, and execute a future with her with the possibility of children she was roarin’ and ready to go. Topics like these are oddly comforting to Waauru due to the love she has with her own family and with you as her partner the conversation most definitely came up even before you were to meet her family.

The idea of starting/continuing her family’s legacy with you fills Waauru’s heart with so much joy. She loves you so much and the fact that you’re in her life simply astounds her. Waauru never thought she could reach this level of serendipity and sereneness in her life after everything she’s been through. Most of her amazement comes from the fact that she is inspired by you and all that you were capable of doing despite being thrown in the thick of a political discourse and was the tipping point in bringing it all of it to a climax. Now she gets to do life with you as you both prepare for the latest addition.

Halle:

*ERROR 404 HALLE’S FUNCTIONING BRAINCELLS COULD NOT BE FOUND*

Oh boy, you did it, you broke the man. Only the heavens know how much was taken out of him to even talk to you in a full sentence, he still doesn’t know how he’s in a relationship with you, and now you want a F a M i L y!!! He’s gonna need a minute...no really. The request will catch him so off guard that he might need a moment alone to himself and his thoughts and in all honesty it might bother him slightly that you asked this of him. This will, of course, lead you to ask why to which he responds : “Well aren’t ‘we’ enough, why do you want to bring another being into our dynamic?!?!” With that he’ll storm off leaving you confused and a little hurt, but for know you drop the topic and just let him reconvene with himself. In his moments alone he sighs and thinks to himself: “...why did I say that?...you know thats not true Halle...?” Deep down, yes, yes he does want a family to call his and he couldn’t imagine doing so than with you; now he’s left rattling his brain trying to figure out what could’ve caused such a reaction...fear

After several hours of processing and coming to terms with himself, Halle comes back to you. Bright red face with so much embarrassment over his behavior with you, apologizing profusely for walking out on you. In these cases just hold his face, look him in the eyes, center him, ground him, and sit him down. When his able to breath at a steady pace again, expect the flood gates of emotion to open. He very rarely opens up but when he does it’s to you and only you. The main thing he focusses on though is this feeling of fear in the back of his mind much like Cipactli, only difference is that his is rooted in his own self conscious view of himself. Remind him how great of a friend, partner, lover, and man he is; remind him that what you asked doesn’t have to be done now, it is a very big step and something you can both talk and prepare for. This eases him, you both want this, just not right now and that is perfectly fine with both of you. Whenever you’re both ready he will be the proudest man in all of Saiph with you and your family by his side.

Taqtu:

*Queue the water works 🥺*

This man will be ✨E M O T I O N A L ✨Let him get it out, crying will ensue, but don’t worry these are happy tears. Taqtu has always been a family man, whether its been with his own family or his people in general; he considers the people he grew up with, raised him, played with him, babysat him, the children in his clan that came after him, all of them he considers family so it’s safe to say that when you brought this desire to his attention he was so excited.” WAIT?!?! REALLY?!?! Your not yanking my chain are ya...wait...really, you meant it? Oh Sweetpea, you’ve made me the happiest man”. He didn’t think it was possible to fall more in love with you, but here he is, head over heels (SIMP)

The other thing that has him all giddy is that he also gets to tell his tribe about this newfound journey you both are to take. The Ijiraat as a whole have suffered so much loss that whenever there is a new addition its a full on celebration. When you and Taqtu decided to begin your relationship, the whole tribe threw you both a party celebrating you as one of their own. The news of starting a family won’t be any less of a celebration, if anything it will be even more so. It’s a new chapter in both of your lives that might spring forth a new life. It has been one of his unspoken dreams to start a family of his own one day and finally being able to do so with the love of his life by his side elates him. Taqtu does not know what he did to deserve you, but he thanks every star in the sky for that fateful day he ran into you in the streets of Huatzintepec.

Seneca:

Seneca, like Halle, will be freaking out about it as soon as the suggestion leaves your lips; most of his reasoning being out of insecurities as well. However, unlike Halle, the main reason for his objection is because in reality he never knew what family was. How can a man who grew up without family be able to take care of a family of his own. Seneca does not expect you to do all the work in creating and raising this family by yourself, he wouldn’t allow it. Even so, he couldn’t see himself playing any significant part in the family dynamic that you so desire to have with him.

The idea of a family seems really nice to Seneca, poetic even, something he has probably talked about and studied as a disciple of the Sun god. It is a concept that is hard to grasp when the closest thing he has had to family is you. He, like Dior also, will take allot of: time love, and most definitely patience in order to even begin processing what you’ve asked. It is advisable in these instances to let him know that you understand where he comes from and that there is absolutely no rush for him to decide on this. In reality, family is more of a wound to him than something to look forward to, which is something that he is able to comfortably disclose to you after giving some thought to your request. Seneca follows by later stating: “...wounds are meant to heal, not fester. And if you will continue to have me and love me, the wound will heal...when that day comes I will be more than willing to create the most beautiful life that you deserve my sunshine...” (I’m NOT crying, you are).

Whether you both decide to have or adopt your new member of your family, on that day Seneca will learn what it means when people say love at first sight is real. One look at your child and his heart soars. He is grateful for the time that you gave him; it allowed him to heal so that way he could stop bleeding on the people that never hurt him, and with his new future with you he is certain that your family will only grow in love.

#headcanons #stellamore #admin nani #fluff #cipactli #mukondi #ariki #dior #waauru #Halle #taqtu #seneca

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queerautism · 4 years ago

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Am I exploiting my dog?

Yesterday I asked @severelynerdysheep if I'm exploiting my dog by having him as an assistance dog in training (assistance dog is the legal UK term for service dog), and they linked me to this article.

It's an incredibly bad piece. Let's go through it.

"Firstly, it should be obvious to most observers that many service animals are being harmed. Police canine units and military animals are often intentionally cruelly treated as part of the training process"

'Service animal' is not a term interchangeable with 'working dog'. These are not service animals and irrelevant to the discussion. Though, for the record, police and military dogs just shouldn't be a thing and their training is garbage.

"The question of exploitation and harm is more nuanced when it comes to service animals used to assist those with disabilities, such as emotional support animals or guide dogs for the blind."

Really, those are the two examples you're going for? Emotional support animals are NOT service animals, and do not need to have any kind of special training that a pet wouldn't have, or perform any tasks outside of their presence being a comfort. Lumping them together does a huge disservice to disabled people, and it's an extremely common misconception by people who know very little about actual service work.

Only mentioning guide dogs for the blind also isn't great, because it's the only kind a lot of ableist people know about and recognise, which means a lot of handlers get told we don't really need our dogs, because we aren't blind. You had an opportunity to actually bring up the amazing diversity of service dogs here (autism dogs, psychiatric service dogs, Medical alert dogs, etc) and educate people, but instead reinforced misconceptions and stereotypes.

"These animals are not usually subjected to stressors which any ordinary companion animal wouldn’t be"

This is not exactly true. Service dogs deal with many situations and environments ordinary pets don't, of course. But you cannot define for a dog what they should perceive as a 'stressor', anymore than you can decide what a dog should or shouldn't find aversive. Many dogs find loud noises stressful and aversive. Mine, as a service dog in training, does not, and hasn't ever, since he comes from a line of working dogs bred to be very 'gunsteady', which means hunting dogs who wouldn't be scared of the loud sound of a gunshot.

If a service dog finds these things stressful, they'll wash out and not be one anymore.

"these animals are still being exploited for human gain, they are bred, raised and trained solely for human benefit."

And we come back to the central idea of exploitation. I just don't get it. It's like these people can't imagine building a mutualistic relationship with a dog, based on trust, where you work as a team. Where the dog also benefits.

What do they think our day to day looks like? What exactly is exploitative about it?

"As for whether or not these animals would be better off were they not service animals, this is something of a moot point, since these animals are bred specifically for the purpose of being service animals."

Actually mostly they are not! Program breeding, where the whole litter is bred for a specific organization and all puppies are expected to be service dog prospects, is quite rare and very much not how most disabled people get their prospects.

It's a lot more common for good breeders with breeds and lines suitable for service work to place some puppies from each litter as prospects, if they seem to have the temperament for it.

As an example, my dog's breeder does not breed exclusively service dogs at all. They are working line poodles, and in my dog's litter there was a lot of variety! - Another one of them also went to service work, I believe two went into dog sport homes, another one into a dog conformation home, and the rest went to pet homes, all depending on their individual traits and what they would be happiest as.

"Service animals are currently very rarely drawn from rescue populations, but this seems like an obvious way to solve a lot of the ethical issues involved with using service animals."

Fun fact, I tried talking to a few rescues, including breed specific rescues, for a few months after I decided I needed a service dog myself. It was my first option.

They all ended up turning me away, saying the same thing. Their dogs had their own difficulties to work through, and the chances of being successful with this training are extremely low. 99% of them simply aren't suitable.

Proper service dog training takes about 3 years. Here you're asking disabled people to adopt dogs with unknown genetics and spend incredible amounts of money and time for a huge chance of failure. It's cruel and dismissive.

Even in the cases where rescue dogs have successfully become service dogs (which of course still happens), they often have a very short working life, because they haven't been bred responsibly and with all the proper health clearances, which leaves them at risk of serious health issues and early death.

"There are groups mounting pressure to only train rescued animals, contrary to popular belief, many breeds of animals are capable of being guide dogs or emotional support animals, and since many dogs in shelters are still young there is little reason to resort to irresponsible breeding practices to fulfil the demand for service animals."

If you want rescue only service animals, you literally don't give a shit about disabled people. We are acceptable casualties to you. What we actually need from our partnership with our dogs is secondary to your ideology here.

Rescue dogs can be excellent emotional support animals, I'll agree there. Because as I said, they aren't service dogs and they don't need any especial training. They are still pets.

They most often cannot be service dogs. Even if they are young, temperament in dogs has a huge genetic component. Dogs that end up in rescues are not responsibly bred (a responsible good breeder will take any dog they produced back at any time, and stays as a secondary contact in the dog's microchip in case they do end up in a rescue somehow), and their unknown genetics not only can cause issues with their temperament and health that makes them unsuitable for work, but also often mean they are not a representative example of the breed and do not show the usual traits that make that breed successful at service work when bred reputably.

Adult temperament does not fully develop until a dog is +3 years old. This means you could do everything right with a young rescue dog, only for them to develop dog reactivity or aggression once they fully grow up.

It is simply not fair to ask every disabled person who needs a service dog to put years of their life into this process while stacking the cards against them like this.

Actual good responsible breeders absolutely exist. They do right by their dogs and work their asses off to bring healthy, sound dogs into this world. No one is talking about irresponsible breeders here.

All of their arguments recap into this:

"1) The animal was not specifically bred for purpose and is a rescued animal.

2) The animal must be treated as a companion rather than a worker, and as such must be properly retired with a loving family once they can no longer work.

3) Animals should not be placed under any stress or put in danger.

4) There should be no viable alternative for the use of service animals."

1) Again, they usually aren't specifically bred, certain lines have a few puppies from each litter that have service work as the best fit for them.

2) Of course they are companions. We're a team. Of course they deserve a happy loving retirement.

3) You cannot avoid all stressors, that's life. Low levels of stress to be overcome actually help dogs build their confidence. Obviously none of us want our dogs in any danger.

4) if you think the stipulations you've presented for service dogs are sufficient to fullfil disable people's needs, I'd love to know what you consider to be a 'viable alternative', because something tells me it ain't gonna be good either.

"An example of this might be a therapy dog who has come from a rescue center as a young dog, and would probably otherwise have been killed."

Most places do not have an overpopulation problem so big they're killing young dogs at rescues. The UK sure doesn't. Young dogs get adopted extremely fast.

Also, a therapy dog is NOT a service dog. You cannot keep using these terms interchangeably and expect me to take your opinion on service dogs seriously.

A therapy dog is simply a pet as well, with a general calm and friendly temperament, that volunteers with their owner to meet and cheer up people. It's a completely different thing with different standards. Many rescue dogs can indeed be excellent therapy dogs!

"We do not have to deny that animal use is exploitation in order to justify service animals in some scenarios. Yes, service animals are being taken advantage of"

Still would love to hear how exactly I'm taking advantage of my dog, or what the alternative 'living with a dog without taking advantage of them' looks like.

"We are seeing some advancements in robotics which look promising as a replacement for service animals, so this may become a non-issue in the not too distance future."

Imagine complaining we're the ones not treating service dogs as living individuals but thinking they can be fully replaced by robots. Amazing.

"Regardless of your viewpoint on this, no negative judgement should ever be placed upon the people who require the use of service animals in order to function, it is not their fault that this is the option that has been given to them, and no one who relies on a service animal should be made to feel bad because of it."

You can say this as much as you want, but it's absurd. You're 100% being extremely ableist and asking disabled people to do things in the most costly, effort and time consuming way to fit in with a morality position which is clearly been developed with no real accurate knowledge of service dog work or training.

Plenty of us have chosen this option with full understanding of what it means, it hasn't been 'given to us'. Don't go 'oh the poor disableds don't know any better tho' like it absolves you of all the shitty things you've just said about us and our dogs.

Anyway I said my piece. Have a cute pic of my dog Kovacs, assistance dog in training for my Autism and CPTSD, currently almost two years old and living his best puppy life. I had to stop writing this for a little while many times because he demanded pets.

#animal welfare #animal rights #service dogs #dogblr #assistance dog

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takaraphoenix · 4 years ago

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So I just finished the third season of The Bold Type and oh boy did they drop the ball in this one. I... really enjoyed this show until now but this season was just so intensely exhausting and honestly cringey.

The only good storyline was Jane’s. Her finally dumping that cheating piece of garbage. The way they handled her surgery and recovery and the struggle she had. It was incredibly emotional and well-paced and I genuinely loved the way they handled it.

But everything else was... pretty much garbage, in my opinion?

I mean, Sutton? Sutton and Richard, getting married, after being in a relationship for what, five years? And... they never actually talked about their future? They never talked about having kids? I hate this dumbassery of “let’s get married but like we never actually talked about how we imagine our future” and the way they handled that, with how Richard behaved? How he placed all the blame on Sutton? What in the world was that? She put her life on hold for him, repeatedly. It wasn’t because of her job that you guys hid your relationship for so long, it was yours. And when you decided to go to San Francisco for a job, she was just 100% behind you.

But now she’s deceiving you because... she... doesn’t read minds, or what? Saying “I want something like they have” is the broadest, least specific bullshit. Something, what? Their career, their marriage, their house? That does not specify that you want children. Saying “I definitely want children” is how you specify that you want children. To only blame her for not telling him that she didn’t want kids...? When two people are in this relationship and neither of them actually spoke up about their wants and needs here? That is equally both their fault.

Not to mention his... his reaction. Just, his reaction to everything.

When, only two months after the miscarriage, she wanted to have sex again and he just immediately goes “so x position is better for conception”, that was just... incredibly insensitive. I don’t know about anyone else but me, but... two weeks after losing a baby to already try again seems incredibly early and to overrun her like that instead of first, in a quieter moment, address the issue? Not to mention that this was an unplanned pregnancy and she just started a new, busy job so it really wasn’t a good fit time-wise.

His reaction to when she told him she didn’t want babies? The throwing and trashing stuff? It just will never sit right with me when men express their anger/frustration by smashing and destroying things right next to the woman. It is purposefully intimidating and reads far too close as a ‘replacement’, which also is always intensified by the woman jumping away instinctively, as Sutton did. Not... Not a great move. Really creepy.

And then they just... end it. Just like that. After this entire show had their will they won’t they build up to them getting married, it all falls apart like that, so unceremoneously and Sutton goes onto a completely self-destructive tour of discovering that she is, after all, no better than her mother, putting her somehow even below square one.

The worst offender however is whatever the fuck this show did to Kat. And to Adena. But let’s start with Adena.

Adena, an out and proud lesbian, a Muslim, a woman of color, a feminist. And now... a biphobe, apparently? Wow, that’s just such a great look on her.

It’s incredibly OoC for Adena. This woman, who met Kat when Kat was still thinking she was straight, who supported Kat through her self-discovery. And while Kat used “lesbian” as a self-identifying label twice in previous seasons, she always more leaned toward “queer” to label herself.

So to now have Adena, whose entire character was always about lending women a voice and standing up for them, who always supported Kat, who met Kat when Kat was still very much busy sleeping with men, now act biphobic when Kat comes out as bisexual...? It just... It really fucked Adena over.

Especially the garbage she was spouting. That if Kat now liked men, did that make Adena “just a phase” and were her feelings for Adena “even real”? That is just the most bottom of the barrel biphobic talk, this felt like someone just did one quick google search on biphobia and crammed them together and made Adena say that. It... just didn’t feel authentic for Adena, after how she had been represented so far and how she had acted and handled Kat’s journey of self-descovery.

I understand that they really wanted Kat to face biphobia and I genuinely did love the bonding moment that gave Kat and Oliver, but there was absolutely no need to throw Adena under the bus like this. They could have literally gone to that stupid lesbian-exclusive party and just have... have some random unnamed character act biphobic?

Considering this wasn’t even meant as a lasting plotline that’d be pulled through as a proper arc, because two episodes later, Adena suddenly got over her biphobia. Which is just another thing that makes it more ridiculous, because a woman like Adena, who is deeply involved with the community and who is strongly opinionated, would - if she really was biphobic - not just change her stance on that in like two weeks just because...?

It really showed that they used Adena not as a character but as a plot-tool for Kat’s plotline and it did Adena such a disservice - especially since she is one of your four (4) queer characters and she is your only lesbian.

Don’t validate negative stereotypes like prickly lesbians who only date Gold Star Lesbians because otherwise the lesbian feelings between them just aren’t lesbian enough and like how would she know they’re real if her partner isn’t also a lesbian?

And yes. Yes, I am well-aware we have a huge problem of biphobia within the community. I am well-aware that these type of lesbians exist. But, as mentioned above, they could have taken a minor character only introduced for this plotline to deliver this biphobia, instead of throwing their only lesbian character under the bus like this.

Adena is such a brilliant character and she is... so much representation? I mean, she is one of only four queer characters, of only two queer women, she is the only lesbian, she is the only Muslima, she is one of the only two women of color in the recurring/main cast. I genuinely don’t understand how you can look at a character like that and go “ah yes, let’s just temporarily antagonize her for another character’s plotline, which goes entirely against her own characterization so we will actually also totally backtrack on it after all is said and done”, because it’s... I don’t think there’s a real word for what this is, but it’s bullshit, to say the least.

Now about Kat. Who finally figured herself out this season. And then just immediately had to deal with the biphobia, but not for too long because that’d be too distracting, we have too much to do in throwing her character under the bus too, after all.

I mean seriously, Kat’s a biracial bisexual liberal woman, who had an entire season-long plot about being a liberal woman trying to carve a space for herself, for her community, against bigotry. Both, her being biracial and her being bisexual, has always torn her and made her not fit quite in and made her look for her place to belong and she fought hard for it.

So the natural progression for her character truly is to make her date a... I really do not want to type these words together, to be quite frank... but a Republican lesbian. And not just... be with her, but “come around” to her viewpoint. It was essentially throwing out the long-suffering plotlines of Kat fighting hard for her spot in favor of now being downgraded to a bar-tender who is fascinated by the Republican POV on life.

They really used Kat to antagonize liberals as sensitive snowflakes and show that “Republicans can be serious and have good points too!”. They turned Kat into a... clumsy oaf, at best, the way she handled herself around the politics this season? After she literally ran for office before, trying to become a politician herself? But now she is swayed or fascinated or whatever for “the other view-point”?

And just the timing, to have a “Republicans aren’t that bad!” angle in your show while Republicans are literally busy running your country into the ground? Ya really thought this was a great angle to work with? And for her, of all characters?

It made... absolutely no sense with how Kat had been portrayed so far to have her enthralled by this bullshit spouting Republican, because “different views are important and can be insightful”...

There are angles where, from a storytelling POV, you can introduce various views and make it very interesting to watch, but if your way of introducing this other view is literally by her defending her homophobic father who wants to help pass a bill on conversion therapy, I’m sorry there is absolutely no listening to that.

And that’s not being emotional. This is directly about the lives of human beings. There is no discussing that, there are no other opinions on the matter of whether or not children should be tortured into being straight.

And having her, very lacklusterly, say that she personally is against conversion therapy means... it... it means literally nothing if she is not speaking up about it and instead wants to bury evidence about her father supporting it and has no problems with him supporting it in the first place.

The ““cutesy”“ situation of her threatening to get Kat fired over this, Kat actually getting fired and her then accidentally getting Kat fired from her next job, just to graciously help her keep her job after all like some White Republican Savior was... very cringey to watch, but so was honestly every single interaction between them, based on the juxtaposition of those characters.

I’m sorry, as a lesbian, I have intensely strong feelings about how they utilized lesbian characters for bullshit agendas this season. First Adena for the biphobia angle and then writing a Republican lesbian in there to like... sell Republicans?

I just... genuinely can not grasp what that storyline even was, because it honestly just felt like Republican propaganda? And yes, propaganda. Because it undermined the already established liberal character that Kat had been, made her not entirely turn toward being Republican but suddenly be oh-so open minded about the views (after this plotline was literally introduced through, and I will say it again, conversion therapy. I mean seriously, you could have a liberal and a Republican have conversations with each other and “see each other’s points of view”, but you absolutely can not have that after introducing the plotline through one of the most horrific things that can happen to our community). They portrayed Eva as the understanding, calm, rational, charming party in this and made Kat the overly angry, emotional and downright doe-eyed one who learned so much from Eva, while not having Kat teach Eva anything. This was never portrayed as a mutual seeing each other’s viewpoints; Kat was the only one who changed over this storyline. And that is what made this not feel like an “equal opportunity POV exchange” storyline but like propaganda.

My very last critique point is the oversexualization of absolutely everything. I mean, yes, this show has always been very sex-positive and about women embracing their sexuality and I absolutely support this message. But... this season went... beyond that? It wasn’t just sex-positive it was downright negative on no sex. The utter despair for sex and linking it with success?

The plotline of how Jacqueline wanted to show women in “power” through fashion, but it was all about owning their sexuality and the first pitch immediately included lingerie. And worse yet, that thing where Ryan and Jane were not having sex.

The freaking intervention. Because... she was having a genuinely good time just having spa-days with her boyfriend instead of fucking like rabbits every hour of the day? That they literally put an intervention together there. That not having sex is oh-so bad, even though honestly, until that intervention, Jane did not look unhappy.

I just think that a show that praises itself on its queer viewpoints and puts the queerness so very front and center needs to step up their game and start including an asexual viewpoint. Both, in the show and in the magazine itself because everything they write and do comes back to sex and it’s starting to get really, truly tiresome.

Sex-positivity doesn’t have to mean that you reinforce that to be a strong, independent woman you have to have sex and that a relationship is only successful if they have lots of sex.

#The Bold Type #Season 4 #Phoe's Random Show Rants #Season 4 Review #Adena Deserved Better #Sutton Deserved Better #Kat Deserved Better #heck the viewers deserved better

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hopelessromanticspoonie · 5 years ago

Text

Trust

Masterlist here

Characters: Tom Hiddleston and Female Novelist Reader

Summary: Finding just the right actor to star in the movie based on your book wasn't an easy process. And then Tom Hiddleston walked into the room, and he may solve more than just your casting concerns.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption

Word Count: 4.2k (whoops)

A/N: This is based off a request given to me by @yespolkadotkitty! I apologize that I haven’t posted in a long while and that this took a minute to get out, but I hope you enjoy it! ALSO. I know nothing about the film industry. Please ignore what I’m sure are several errors concerning that topic.

“Next!”

“He was really good. You sure you didn’t like him?”

You closed your eyes and dropped your forehead onto your hand supported by your elbow on the folding table in front of you. When you had been contacted by your agent that a studio wanted to turn your best-selling novel into a movie, it felt like a dream come true. A whirlwind of paid flights, lunch meetings, negotiations, and signed contracts led you to your spot next to the casting director, several producers, and director for the movie. You were lucky that they were taking your opinion into consideration at all, and you didn’t want to create waves, but there hadn’t been a man reading for the main role yet that felt right.

From several one-note actors to a few who were way off the mark to those who showed up completely unprepared, nobody had made you feel the gripping tension of the troubled but earnest character of Joshua Collins, the struggling artist and male half of your romantic tale.

“Hello, my name is Tom Hiddleston, and I’d like to audition for the role of Joshua Collins.”

That voice. Sophistication roughened with the barest hint of anxiety and smoothed out by a full baritone that dripped honey. Your head popped up from your hand to take in the sheepishly grinning man in front of you. He was tall, so tall that it took an eternity for your eyes to drag from the worn boots on his feet, up the slim legs expertly encased in blue slacks, over the broad chest that strained at the thin fabric of his light blue button-up shirt, to a face that had to have been sculpted by the finest craftsmen with planes and shadows to highlight his arresting stare.

The lines that he read through with a producer’s assistant sounded as if they came straight from your creative imaginings. He was Joshua. The ability he had to convey such emotion with the tilt of his head, the press of his lips, or even the very act of taking a breath to sustain his speech was enough to render you utterly transfixed. Even the silence that fell over the room as he gathered his thoughts for a response had you tense and gripping your pen until your knuckles lightened as you waited with bated breath for a reply you had memorized before he’d strolled in. But with him it was new, organic, somehow spontaneous and heartfelt and so true it resonated deep in your bones.

And then he stood from the chair he had fallen into with an easy, relieved smile on his face as he smoothed his hand down the front of his shirt. “Thank you all for sharing your time with me today. And, if I may,” he shifted his attention from the studio bigwigs to you, “I absolutely adored the raw humanity in your novel. I hope that I can bring it to life for you.”

The sound of the door closing seemed to break the spell that had fallen over the room. You shared a knowing look first with the casting director and then the director herself.

“Joe, please tell those remaining that auditions have been canceled,” Sam smiled, scribbling something in her portfolio in front of her. “We have our man.”

Had you picked up all of the loose bits of trash scattered around your room? Sure, the staff had cleaned that morning, but that didn’t mean that you hadn’t found some way to dirty it since then. Would bottled water be okay? Maybe he preferred coffee. Hotel coffee wasn’t ever the greatest, but it would do in a pinch. Right? And should you have put on nicer clothes? Maybe-

A light, rhythmic knock sounded on your door, stopping your anxious thoughts and making you freeze from where you were bent over making sure the hem of your jeans wasn’t rolled over.

Another knock, and you quickly righted yourself, running your hand over your hair to tame any flyaways as you scurried to the door. Tom stood on the other side, holding two beers in one hand and a thick leather folio in the other.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me before rehearsals begin. May I come in?”

As if anyone would turn down Tom Hiddleston, especially when he came bearing beer. You stepped to the side, allowing him to pass by, leaving behind the very masculine scent of bergamot and citrus in the air that stirred between you. “Of course. You look like you’re ready to attend a class or something.”

He placed everything down on the tiny table meant to be a desk before turning to you with a small smile. His large hands rubbed against his jeans on the outside of his thighs. “Admittedly, I am a bit of a fan of your writing. An avid fan, actually. I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind too terribly if we discussed the book? I want to ensure I fully bring this character to life as you so masterfully wrote it.”

Color you shocked. Sure, you had received plenty of praise for your book throughout this process, the paycheck was evidence enough that it was liked, but to have someone that you personally admired for their own set of talents compliment it was another thing entirely. Working to school your face so that your excitement didn’t show, you grabbed the beer he opened and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Ask away, Mr. Hiddleston.”

Draping his long and lithe form into the faded desk chair, he opened his folio and uncapped a pen that looked more expensive than the entirety of your outfit. “Tom, please. We will be working closely together, and we are neighbors in this hotel as well. Formalities are not necessary.”

“Okay,” you nodded and took a swig of liquid courage. “Tom, what would you like to know?”

Questions and answered flowed easily after a few stuttering moments on both sides of the conversation. You were only struck dumb once or twice from the intensity of his thoughtful stare, and you found yourself both grateful and saddened when it would leave you to focus on the copious notes he scribbled down in the folio on his thigh. You’d never felt so heard as to when he watched you ramble on about plot points and motivation and character development, with his hand rasping against the five o’clock shadow that darkened his razor-sharp jawline and his brows furrowed.

Only when you stifled a yawn behind your hand did he seem to pull himself from the focused notes he had been taking after you explained a more difficult aspect of Joshua’s past. He glanced at the leather-strapped watch on his arm, frowning. “I do believe that I have kept you up far too late. I apologize. I should be going so that you may rest for overseeing rehearsals tomorrow. You will be there, correct?”

“I think so, yeah. Unless I’m needed for consultation on a last-minute script change, I think that’s where I’m supposed to be. I’m not really sure how all of this works,” you admitted with a light laugh.

He walked with you to the door after tossing both his and your bottles in the trash and gathering his things that had spread out over the desk. “If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. I know how overwhelming all of this can be. Until then, I very much look forward to seeing you. Goodnight.”

The clasp of his hand on your shoulder was heavy, stretching across your skin with a pleasant warmth that you wanted to curl into and bask in forever. You reached up and patted his hand gently before opening the door. “Goodnight.”

Sure enough, when you watched him head back to his room in the hotel meant to house you for the entirety of the filming project, he disappeared into the room directly next to yours.

The faint scent of his cologne lingered on your clothing as you ducked back into your room to prepare yourself as best as you could for the unknown journey ahead.

In all your days, you’d never met someone as motivated and driven as Tom. When he wasn’t rehearsing, he was exercising, or building comradery between the cast and crew that he would be spending the next year with, or even, to your astonishment, spending time with you.

It had begun under the guise of him delving deep into his character with you over beers and room service. Then it had switched to other books in your catalog, and then, when you had begged off any serious thinking because you’d spent all day arguing with the writers, it changed into something more personal.

You walked onto set holding two travel tumblers precariously with one arm and your overstuffed binder in the other. A meeting with your agent that morning discussing the press tour preceding the premiere of the movie had gone on longer than expected, and you couldn’t wait to sit down and just watch Tom and the cast act out the inner workings of your imagination over the coffee you clutched. The idea of going for so many interviews and appearances weighed heavily on you. To be the object of so much attention wasn’t why you had gone into writing.

But, perhaps this was.

Tom looked quite frustrated as he talked to Sam, the director, in the middle of the set, about a pivotal point in the film where he admits his love to the female lead (who does not feel the same), and he barely glanced your way as you settled in. His hands flew in front of him with every gesture, fingers spread wide and then clenched tightly into fists at his side. Some conclusion must have been reached because Sam came back to her spot behind the monitors and Tom got into place.

It was obvious to everyone that something was off. You especially, as the dialogue didn’t fit what you had written with the screenwriters for the scene. After the cameras stopped rolling so Sam could talk to Tom once again, whose performance had been stilted and unnatural, you turned to your assistant with a frown heavily etched into your skin. “Was there a rewrite?”

She didn’t even look up from the email she was typing away on her phone. “Yes, ma’am. Just given to everyone this morning. I sent it to your email.”

Groaning quietly, you slipped your coffee and belongings into pockets on the sides of your chair and stood up, holding Tom’s tea in your hand. When you caught his eye you raised it in the air and he nodded. He could come get a drink from it when he had a moment.

That moment came much faster than you expected. He held up one finger to Sam, and you barely caught him plead, “Let me take a drink before we run it again,” before he jogged over to you.

“What’s going on?” you asked, offering him the steaming tea and crossing your arms over your stomach.

He took a deep drink and sighed, closing his eyes to savor the flavor and moment of peace before opening them to look wearily down at you. Irritation lived in the lines between his brows and in the press of his lips together. “The rewrites simply don’t feel like Joshua. I don’t feel as if they line up with his motivations. I-” he sighed heavily, dropping his chin to his chest and putting his free hand on his hip.

You stepped closer to him so that he was forced to meet the determined set of your eyes. Of its own accord, your hand reached out and grasped his. He returned the tight grip and your heart squeezed right along with it. Not the time.

“You know him. You’ve brought him to life and fleshed him out into a fuller being than my words ever did. I-”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re immensely talented,” he interjected.

“I’m not. I’m praising your talent. I’ll go fight Sam if I have to, to just get one take like it was written before they changed it. That’s all I can probably get you. Can you do it?”

He took a bracing sip of his tea before handing the travel mug back to you. Gratitude reflected in the stormy blue of his eyes. “I can. Thank you.”

And then he jogged off back to the set, speaking quietly with the female lead, Mary, about the plan. Which left you to face Sam, hopefully, to throw around what little bit of weight you had. In all honesty, she could put a stopper on the whole situation and force Tom to follow the rewrites. But he was watching you with such hope and support that it bolstered your confidence enough to set down his drink and go over to her.

“What’s going on?”

Sam was a fierce woman, having clawed her way up through the ranks to get her position, and it was easy to want to cower under the steel of her stare. Taking a deep breath, you held out your hands at your sides. “The rewrites aren’t working, Sam. He knows it, Mary knows it, and I know it. Can we just try it the way it was written before? Even if it doesn’t work like we hope, then he’ll have gotten it out of his system and we can move on with shooting.”

She studied you, pinning you to the spot as you tried desperately not to fidget while waiting for her verdict. She maintained eye contact when she shouted to the remarkably silent cast and crew, “One take with the old lines and blocking.”

The knowledge that your reputation was very much on this decision weighed heavily on your shoulders as you nodded your thanks before heading back to your chair. Getting situated, you cradled your coffee in your hands and inhaled the calming aroma as you watched everyone scurry around to get ready for the slight change in blocking and places.

And then action was called, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as Tom’s heart was broken and shattered into a million pieces at Mary’s rejection. The anguish he expressed through ragged breaths and glistening eyes was enough to make you want to run from your place and gather him into the safety of your arms in a futile attempt to put him back together. The scene went on naturally after it was meant to finish, Sam not calling cut, and he collapsed into a heap on his knees and ripped the sketchbook before him to shreds before letting out a scream of pain that would haunt you for the rest of your days.

“Cut.”

An intern ran onto the set and handed Tom several tissues, which he took with a watery smile. Every muscle in your body tensed as you waited for Sam’s reaction.

“Reset. Tom, take a moment and collect yourself. Frank, make sure that you’re tighter on his face right after she turns him down. Lisa, good idea on the sketchbook. Get the rest that you have. Good work, people.”

Tom stood up and was instantly surrounded by hair and makeup to fix the mess that he’d made of himself with his heartfelt performance. But, over their bobbing heads, he managed to look at you and mouth, “Thank you.”

The happiness and relief that soared through your veins were more exhilarating than coffee would ever be.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Your fingers stilled over your laptop, the words of your latest piece of fiction ceasing in your head at the peculiar sound. Did someone just knock on your wall? Surely the sounds of your quiet music weren’t too loud.

Knock. Knock.

Hesitantly, you twisted in your bed, pressing your ear to the thin beige wall, and rapped against it three times. When there wasn’t an answering knock, you turned around and pressed your back against your pile of pillows to continue tapping away at what you hoped could possibly be another movie brought to life.

And then the same steady knocks sounded on the door to your hotel room. Confused, you closed your laptop and set it to the side, padding to the door in your pajamas. You opened the door with a confused frown to see Tom standing on the other side, holding a covered tray from room service, exhaustion living in the slump of his shoulders and pull on the corners of his mouth.

“On occasion, I find it hard to wind down after filming. Since you’re awake, I was hoping we could share this piece of chocolate cake and chat a bit?”

Suddenly very shy at your mismatched pajamas and air-dried hair from your shower, you blushed, waving him inside. “How can I turn down cake?”

You closed the door behind him and sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that you had remembered to pick up your dirty clothes from earlier in the day. Turning around, you found Tom sitting cross-legged on the bed, chocolate crumbs on his lips that you longed to clean with your own. “Were you writing? I can leave. I don’t want to disturb you?”

“Nonsense. The ideas are in my notes. I can always make time for you, especially if you ply me with sweets.” You crawled onto the bed next to him and snagged the fork from his hand, taking a bite. “You sure know a way to a girl’s heart.”

His face softened as he nudged your knee with his. “You think very highly of me. On that note, thank you, today, for believing in me.”

“Of course. You are the most talented man I’ve ever met. I trust your gut.”

The rest of the cake was eaten in relative silence, your eyes chasing each other in fleeting glances that had your heart racing in your chest. There was something much more intimate about sharing a dessert in your pajamas, on your bed, than your other late-night meetings in your room. Was it the electric brush of his fingers over yours when you passed the fork to him, or the knowledge that your lips were touching where his had only moments ago? Would he taste like the rich dessert you shared?

Yearning for the charismatic man had grown in you since that first meeting at his audition. How could it not? He was kind, seeking to meet and know every person he interacted with on set. You were not the exception, as your late-night meetings had proved. His intelligence knew no bounds, and you had put it to the test with rousing discussions from everything to literature to current events to Shakespeare to politics. And the fondness that you caught in his gaze from time to time set a warmth alight in your bones that you wanted to live in for the rest of your days. Every brush of his body against yours had you aware of the heat he left behind for hours, and you had long ago imprinted the feeling of his lips upon your cheek in a quick greeting kiss into your memory.

You must have been staring during your descent into your hopelessly pining thoughts, as he was watching you closely with an eyebrow quirked in silent question, when you pulled yourself from your reverie.

“Sorry,” you shook your head, blinking the madness of your wishes away. “Long day. What’d you say?”

“I said that you have a bit of chocolate on your face. Would you like me to get it for you?” he asked quietly.

He didn’t wait for an answer. His thumb brushed against your cheek, sending the smallest shiver down your spine, before he pulled the digit into his mouth. The silence that stretched beneath his darkened gaze held you frozen to the spot. Your face burned where he had fleetingly touched you.

“Were it not for professionalism…” he murmured, a hint of anguish in his voice as his eyes traveled down your face to settle on your parted lips.

How was it possible that you felt like a schoolgirl again? Your heart hammered in your chest so loudly that it seemed impossible to take a deep enough breath to stop your head from spinning. You shifted on the bed, closer to him, peering up at him through your lashes. “You’d?”

He sighed and scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck before lighting it on your face. Holding you still, he leaned forward, pressing his lips against your cheek in a lingering kiss that had your stomach clench in anticipation. Your hands dug into the scratchy duvet beneath you to keep from resting on his abdomen to see if he had the same reaction to the tension that stretched between you like a livewire.

He left one more kiss on your temple, breathing you in and stroking your jawline with his thumb, before pulling away and standing up from the bed with a groan. “You are temptation personified. It would be an injustice to us both if any romantic notions got in the way of your brilliant storytelling. After, though…”

The promise in his lowered voice and the inferno of his eyes was enough to temporarily sate you as you watched him walk out of the door with a shake of his head. Writing for that evening was out of the question as you fell asleep with the remnants of his touch warm on your skin and his cologne perfuming your sheets.

“Did you hear the news?”

You turned from where you were scrolling through your phone at the filming wrap party, perking up at the liquid velvet voice that broke through the terrible house music Sam had requested from the DJ. Tom leaned his shoulder against the very wall that currently propped you up, his head tilted to the side in a way that had your belly fluttering like mad.

“News?”

His hands shoved into the pockets of his navy blazer. “We’ll be on the press tour together, for the movie. The studio wanted someone paired up with you that had a bit more experience with such matters, and I volunteered. I guess you aren’t rid of me yet.”

“As if I’d want such a thing,” you admitted with a quiet laugh. Any anxieties that you'd had about making an idiot of yourself for the worldwide press tour were now replaced with doing the very same, but perhaps now you'd be caught ogling Tom while he waxed on about the movie. Or perhaps you'd simply go mad spending so much time with him in close quarters while jet setting across the globe. Was there time for romantic interludes when you were answering the same twenty questions in twenty different countries?

He stood up straight and offered his arm with a cheeky grin, “At the risk of removing the woman of the hour from the party, would you accompany me outside for a bit of fresh air?”

The mischief that twinkled in his eyes was impossible to ignore. You slipped your hand into the crook of his elbow. “Says the leading man of the movie and an actual ray of sunshine. Lead on.”

The bar that they’d rented for the evening opened out onto a busy street that replaced the booming music with honking horns and bustling crowds hurrying home. His arm fell to hang at his side, and he caught your hand with his and laced your fingers together before pulling you behind a bit of greenery out front that hid you from prying eyes both inside and outside.

“Along with attending the press tour with you, I was hoping I could accompany you to the premiere?” he asked, leaned against the roughened brick wall behind him, tugging you closer until you stood in between his spread legs. The chilled wind was most unwelcome at your back, but the warmth of the man in front of you was more than enough to make the stolen privacy comfortable.

Your free hand picked a bit of lint from his crimson sweater before stilling, connected to his ribs by just your pointer finger and thumb, drawn into his heat with the bite of the winter air through your thin party dress. “You know what they’ll say.”

Tom was an incredibly private man, and it might create more talk than he’d want to deal with to show up with a date. You’d love more than anything to spend the evening on his arm, basking in his charismatic glow, but not if it caused him any headache or heartache.

His breath, scented with bittersweet alcohol, fanned across your face as his hand settled onto your hip. That simple touch branded your goose-bump covered skin and had you leaned into him until you had to crane your head backward to meet his tender stare. “That I was chivalrous in escorting the novelist who allowed me the opportunity to embody her treasured characters? That it was very thoughtful of me to ensure that you didn’t feel tossed to the sharks for your first red carpet event?”

With just the drop of his chin, his forehead leaned against yours. “Say yes?”

The nudge of his nose along yours, the rub of his thumb over the thin skin on the back of your hand, the push of his leanly muscled chest against yours with every breath, gave you enough courage to close your eyes and touch your lips to his in the kiss that had been denied you months ago. He groaned softly into your parted lips, releasing his hold on you to press his hands over the curve of your backside so you were flush against him. Fire scorched at your insides from the tease of his tongue and you tumbled headfirst into the passion that he finally stoked to life after it had been smoldering between you for so very long.

“Yes,” you replied breathlessly against his jaw, pulling away to draw air into your tortured lungs, kneading your fingers gently over his rapidly beating heart.

Leaning against him, with his arms wrapped around you so that your face found a comfortable home in the smooth column of his throat, you closed your eyes and gave in to the enticing man that had caught your attention so very long ago. With Tom by your side, and perhaps even in your bed, you were safe in the knowledge that you wouldn’t have to navigate this new world alone.

Tidbit of Tom taglist: @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @ladyblablabla

Whole Shebang taglist: @just-the-hiddles @yespolkadotkitty @nonsensicalobsessions @vodka-and-some-sass @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @myoxisbroken @brokenthelovely @myworddump @polireader @wiczer @littleredstarfish @the-broken-angel-13 @arch-venus25 @xxloki81xx @jessiejunebug @tinchentitri @sllooney @devilbat @vikkleinpaul @bouquet-o-undercaffeinated-roses @angelus80 @wolfsmom1 @kthemarsian @toozmanykids @claritastantrum @princerowanwhitethorngalathynius @sabine-leo @lovesmesomehiddles @peterman-spideyparker @wegingerangelica @bluefrenchfries604 @catsladen @snoopy3000 @silverswordthekilljoy @villainousshakespeare @kitkatd7

#imagine tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston/reader #tom hiddleston oneshot #tom hiddleston rpf #fluff #yespolkadotkitty #trust #hopelesswrites

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-09-15

This caught me laaaate at night gosh I’m tired but I’m gonna get it outta the way so it won’t stick in my craw! Already saw the first page, so it’s time for:

> CHAPTER 13. The Funeral

Church with chess symbols at the peaks and a Prospit/Derse or Hope/Rage split color theme on the stained glass windows.

JANE: Dearly beloved...

> (==>)

Trolls, humans, and papparazzi. Oh, hm, this church is RATHER carapacian isn’t it? Between the chess and the continuing Prospit-Derse themes, like how this corresponds to how they align in the incipisphere top-left to bottom-right if I recall:

(Minus the outlying orbs to the left and right for symmetry.)

That twisted pattern is interesting, and not quite a spirograph. Is that gonna be important later? If we’re going to get some sort of class chart later in the comic, it’d be easy for them to hint at the chart’s graphical structure subtly by dropping it places like here.

JANE: Ladies... JANE: Gentlemen... JANE: News outlets... JANE: And other valued members of the Human Nation State.

Technically true, but still odd to hear-- ...oh right, I forgot this was asshole dictator-wannabe Jane, too.

I read an interesting twitter thread recently about the intense psychological distinction between wanting to BE the best, and wanting to be TREATED like you’re the best. Epilogues/HS^2 Jane is kind of written as a case study on the pitfalls of leaning on the latter instead of the former.

> (==>)

They brought Yiffy WITH them-!? --Oh right. The hostage exchange was supposed to happen here wasn’t it.

Yiffy definitely looks like a Harley-Lalonde daughter in this shot.

JANE: Gamzee Makara, High Court Jester, exalted saint of the purple veil, has left us to traverse that grand, gay carnival in the sky, where, I am told by various members of the clownly cloth, he will spend the rest of history, honking in grand tribute to the Mirthful Messiah.

SINGULAR???

Weird. Is it because Alt!Callie “won” here?

Or is Jane just forgetting because she’s culturally used to monotheism (ironically) and is insensitive.

JANE: And my first memory of our Purple Prince, was his robust codpiece--

Wow.

> (==>)

JANE: --As he offered me his friendly support, along with the sacred blood of his brethren, the holy sacrament--

He STILL killed trolls??! (EDIT: No, a friend points out that she's talking about when she met him first in Act 6 and he tried selling bottles of troll blood to her. EDIT2: -which may be another inconsistency, since Vriska supposedly overwrote that post-retcon.)

> (==>)

It takes Jake a few seconds of puzzled eye contact before he catches exactly what it is Yiffany is tossing down. In his defense, he is distracted by his wife’s speech, which is doing the emotional equivalent of wringing him out like a wet towel, before using that towel to slap the sweaty buttocks of a large, odorous man. Even if he knows everything she’s saying is a load of horsefeathers, it does nothing for his composure to hear her heap praise on that smelly, homewrecking clown.

Bad things about Gamzee deserve to be said here, yes.

Jake wonders what she’ll say about him, at his own funeral.

Now those are some uncomfortable thoughts.

He narrows his eyes in Yiffany’s direction. She’s a lovely girl, really. He wishes he could have gotten to know her under better circumstances. He’d known she existed, of course--Jane had complained about her often enough--but they’d never had much chance to get acquainted. He rather believes her and Tavvy would have been fast friends.

Then again, perhaps it’s better that she never had much of a chance to get to know his family.

He lets go of the leash.

Yep, there’s a plan to set in motion that he’s probably already discussed with her privately. Gotta unite this four-kid team after all.

> (==>)

Wait, are you ATTACKING?!? --Of course you’re attacking. You would even if the plan was something different, wouldn’t you.

JANE: And I know that at times like these it is easy to want to give in. JANE: To throw in the towel, and turn our faces away from the light of democracy and moral fortitude that we, the citizens of the human kingdom, are blessed with from birth. JANE: God knows I’ve had my own faith tested in the last few weeks.

Jesus Christ, what has she turned the place into, a fucking theocracy?

She sounds like the leader of some screwed-up, fundamentalist country! Like the United States!

*rimshot*

JANE: As many of you know, I did not grow up with the same privileges that all of you enjoy.

Jesus.

JANE: I was born on proto-Earth, that half-finished dystopia mangled by the ravages of foolish leadership and endless war.

Jesus, she really IS a self-evident takedown of hypocritical entitled political figures. With the bonuses having Jasprose explicitly ADDRESS said entitlement to make things even clearer cut.

JANE: And as for Gamzee, well, his upbringing was even worse. JANE: He was born to a violent and uncaring home, a lonely child with few natural gifts.

...Some natural gifts and status.

> (==>)

She’s just, shaking with fury here isn’t she? And about to perform an impressive corpse-lob.

JANE: It would be simple to let this disgusting, vile, SHAMEFUL act of spiteful revenge turn us away from the blinding light of the sword of justice that hangs over us all--

This sentence seems suspicious so I’m quoting it to refer to later if I need to, but is probably just platitudes.

> (==>)

JANE: Poised

> (==>)

JANE: Trembling

Okay maybe the sword’s a dick, but what exactly is Yiffany doing?? I’m finding it difficult as usual to tell between some of these image transitions.

> (==>)

JANE: Ready to burst forth--

Bad PR to shock-collar a kid mid press junket. (Very dicks description.)

> (==>)

Click. (Did they swap the shock function with Jane’s necklace somehow, that’d be fun.)

JANE: I want to give up, at times. I understand your pain.

While shocking a kid? GREAT PR.

> (==>)

JANE: I sympathize with your pain.

Wow, those horrified audience members. She REALLY can’t even see herself anymore can she? Not even hear herself. And they’re making sure this is pointed out to EVERYONE watching. They described this as in large part a PR campaign to defeat her, didn’t they?

> (==>)

Great furious businesswoman-villain look, that art.

JANE: But when that pain! Becomes too hard! To endure! JANE: Remember poor, lifeless Gamzee! Who suffered pain far worse than any of us could ever fathom! JANE: THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL!

Click click click. This is a fun sequence.

> (==>)

DIRK: Dude, didn’t you lower the voltage on that shock collar? DIRK: Little Red isn’t looking so hot. JAKE: Yes of course i did but the damn doohickys got the kick of a donkey! JAKE: I couldnt remove it completely shed know i was the one who did it! DIRK: Well, if that supervillain cuntwaffle doesn’t stop, she’s going to kill her. Not really the best at hostage management, is she.

Decent plan. (And of course Dirk would pull out the word cunt.) When’s the cavalry coming?

> (==>)

JANE: But we cannot allow his memory to be in vain! JANE: For Gamzee Makara taught us that even the most loathsome degenerate can take their place in society. JANE: All they need is the right redemption arc - !

Trying to hammer home some of the Epilogue’s trolly-critical themes a little less bleakly, I take it.

I kind of like the violent vibration in ALL of these gifs in a row. It makes the scene seem small, slow, teeth-clenching but still full of steady action, emphasizing the importance of the relatively small events from panel to panel while giving them the sense with the animation of them being [i]drawn out[/i] and tortuous instead of just “occurring”. It feels that way to me, anyway.

> (==>)

If he got up alive here, that’d be hilarious. (Presumably he’s been treated and done-up like a normal funeral body, not “dormant” and undecaying like a dead god-tier.)

> (==>)

CORPSE PUNT w/ CLEATS

> (==>)

That face is just. I love that face.

> (==>)

SHE MAD

JANE: Young lady, I am just about at the end of my rope with you. JANE: Throw all the dog bowls you want at the walls of my warship. JANE: But don’t you dare act up in front of a JANE: Live JANE: Fucking JANE: Newsfeed! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

What did you expect to happen? Do you expect to shout her down from this, Jane?

JANE: After everything I’ve done for you--paying for your education, helping your parents cover up your existence from the world! JANE: Just imagine what Rose and Jade would say if they could see you now, even dissidents can have a little decorum! JANE: Get down from there at once! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

But this is GAMZEE. --I guess it’s seriously disrespectful to his followers, though. Still. If you wanted civility from her, a shock collar, leash, and food bowl wasn’t the way to go about it.

JANE: Don’t you threaten me, young lady. Not today! YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR

What is your PLAN even, Jane? You’ve completely disregarded her.

JANE: There’s nowhere for you to go. My agents are swarming this church. Be reasonable, Yiffany. JANE: Ugh. JANE: Disgusting name. JANE: But that’s hardly your fault. You were always just a footnote. Your parents’ little prank. JANE: Honestly, that’s why I helped them all those years ago! I do love a good jape. JANE: But let’s be serious. JANE: You don’t matter. If you did, they would have come for you already.

Can all the press hear her being such an asshole?

Okay, stereotypically, their arrival should be the next couple panels:

> (==>)

Jake, do something useful like hoping harder.

> (==>)

And she knocks the remote away. Excellent.

And she does. Seemingly at the end of her tolerance for insults toward her name, social status, and heritage, Yiffy performs an impressive backflip off the podium and down onto the church floor. One that, if it hadn’t been happening amidst a sea of other newsworthy events, would surely have ended up on someone’s instagram story within thirty seconds. She gives Gamzee’s corpse one last parting kick: a hard, proper kick that proves those cleats aren’t just for fashion. Although they are certainly also for fashion.

Good, good.

He vanishes into the seething crowd, and we are confident that we will never have to deal with this asshole ever again.

God damnit.

> (==>)

Jake watches this from a safe distance, poised on the edge of intervening to pull Yiffy out of there. But in the end he doesn’t have to. Instead he watches in admiration as she tears the place to utter shreds. An echoing sympathy swells inside of him as she rends apart the funeral flowers and punts Gamzee into the shrieking congregation. Here is a girl who felt the cold, indecent hand of fate wrapping around her, and instead of submitting to it and slowly sublimating down into morasse of boiled doormat, she slapped it away from her with a lively oh, no thank you.

All at once, Jake feels immense affection for his granddaughter. He hopes the two of them can make up for lost time.

Lessons belatedly learned, but learned nonetheless.

> (==>)

JANE: Enough of this. JANE: Seize her!

Kind of Red Queen of you. (Are those stained glass windows in back of the frame about to burst?)

> (==>)

Yep.

The stained glass window shatters inward, obliterated to stardust. The war is knocking.

Even attacking a disgusting faith’s church is pretty bad form, though.

Tired and busy, seeya next upd8. <3

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers

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adventure-hearts · 4 years ago

Text

( PART 1: DA + ASTROLOGY )

PART 2: DIGIMON ADVENTURE + MBTI

Taichi - ESTP Yamato - INFP Sora - ENFJ Koushirou - INTJ Mimi - ESFP Jou - ISTJ Takeru - ENFP Hikari - ISFP Daisuke - ESFP Miyako - ENFP Iori - ISTJ Ken - INFJ

Discussion and Commentary below!

If you’ve read some of my previous headcanons about the MBTI, and in particular this very popular post from four (!) years ago, you may find I’ve changed my mind a lot.

An important thing about this typology (or any other one, really) is that it’s quite easy to just look into some websites and make decisions based on the keywords used to describe each type. Which is what I used to do. Keywords are helpful to help us get the “basic picture” (hence why I quote them in this post), but now I believe that you have to read actual theory in order to understand the subtle differences between each type and make more educated guesses.

Since then, I’ve been reading more deeply into MBTI and the Functions. Consequently, the way I understand the MBTI has changed significantly, and so have my Headcanons.

It’s been particularly interesting to learn about the Inferior Function, or the “dark side” of each personality type. The more I read about it, it became surprising that how it seemed to describe most of the adventure kids’ characters arcs incredibly well. This is another reason why the combination Chosen Children + MBTI is such a fascinating and fun thought exercise!

It should be noted that different authors can have widely different interpretations of types, which is why, for the sake of simplicity and coherence, I’ve only read 3-4 main sources when preparing this post. And I tried stay away from popular MBTI websites and resources that exist around the internet, most which can have a slightly misleading/superficial vision of each type.

However, this doesn’t mean my HCs are “RIGHT” or that other people can’t have better ideas. I’m as biased about the characters as anyone else. I’d be very happy to hear alternative takes!

***

Taichi - ESTP Dominant function: Se

Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them - they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

Taichi is pretty easy to type, and most ESTP descriptions fit him nicely. Thompson notes the archetype of ESTP is James Bond and Xena the Warrior Princess; I think the character of Taichi, who represents Courage, fits in the same tradition — a bold, impulsive, adventurous leader who is good at strategizing and is able to make though decisions, but is is also very charismatic and charming. Taichi’s tendency to become thoughtful, introspective, and indecisive under stress can be explained by the inferior function, Ni.

Yamato - INFP Dominant function: Fi

Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

By contrast, Yamato is always the most difficult to type! I ended up using INFP rather than INFJ, because I think it makes more sense for his dominant function to be Fi (introverted feeling): “Due to the introverted nature of Fi, INFPs’ status as feelers is not always evident from without. When immersed in Fi, they can seem a bit cool, aloof, or indifferent.“ (Drenthe). This type is pretty well representative of Yamato’s caring, passionate and caring side, and especially his conflict during Adventure is beyond, his search for self and meaning. Yamato’s more critical, aggressive, angry, and impetuous side is easily explained by him falling under the influence of the inferior function of this type, Te.

Sora - ENFJ Dominant function: Fe

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

Another character who’s relatively difficult to type. I see Sora as being in the middle of many of the Preference axis, hence why I initially typed her as something pretty difference different. But now I’m pretty convinced her dominant function is Fe, even though she’s probably only 51% Extroverted. She leans more towards iNtuition than Sensing: Sora’s definitely someone who can pick up things intuitively, especially when it comes to human relationships. So, ESFJ could probably work as well, but I see her as more of an NF type than a SJ type. Sora’s tendency to become hypersensitive, stubborn and withdrawn when under stress? That’s the inferior function, Ti.

Koushirou - INTJ Dominant function: Ni

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

This is an example of how learning more about Functions made me change my mind! I believe Koushirou is the text-book definition of INTJ and the Ni function. Koushirou isn’t just someone who thinks — he creates knew knowledge and connects theoretical possibilities. One of the effects of the inferior function of this type, Ni, is an “Obsessive focus on external data”, which means that they can become obsessed with controlling small details, which is what Koushirou tends to do under stress.

Mimi - ESFP Dominant function: Se

Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

Mimi is a rather obvious fit for this type, not only with her bubbly and happy exterior, but also her naïveté and compassion towards others (Crest of Purity).

Jou - ISTJ Dominant function: Si

Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized - their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

Jou’s type seems pretty straightforward. The characteristics of this type to fit him (and the Crest of Honesty) very well. The inferior Function of this type is Ni, manifested as impulsiveness and catastrophizing — classic Jou moves whenever he looses his cool.

Takeru - ENFP Dominant function: Ne

Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.

Takeru is REALLY hard to type. Mostly because, just like his brother, he isn’t as transparent as he seems. Behind that charming, open, happy façade, Takeru runs deep. I ended up choosing ENFP is described as the most optimistic of all types (Crest of Hope), and they are very charismatic and inspiring as well. The “dark side” of this type can be hopelessness or depression (see also: tri. Chapter 3!)

Hikari - ISFP Dominant function: Fi

Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.

Hiakri is another one whose type isn’t obvious, but maybe for different reasons than the other characters I hesitated about — we just don’t see enough of her. I think you can make a strong argument for her being an Intuitive type, but ultimately I think Fi represents her better.

Daisuke - ESFP Dominant function: Se

I know it’s reductive to say Daisuke and Taichi have different personality type, but that’s easy to understand if you see them as being in different stages of type development.

Miyako - ENFP Dominant function: Ne

I’ve always thought Takeru and Miyako are pretty alike, hence why I think they would both fit this type.

Iori - ISTJ Dominant function: Si

Again, Iori and Jou are pretty alike, although at different stages of their personality development. I could see Iori a ISTP/ISTJ, too — to be fair, I haven’t made up my mind totally about him.

Ken - INFJ Dominant function: Ni

Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

I’m just going to go and give Ken INFJ, although I’m not entirely sure it is the best fit. Ken is incredibly complex, but Ni seems to describe him fairly well. And certainly, the “dark side” of Ni, Se, can very well explain why Ken developed his Digimon Kaiser persona.

BONUS

A brief summary of the 8 Functions:

Introverted Intuition (Ni) collects conscious and subconscious information, and then synthesizes it to produce convergent impressions, insights, answers, and theories. It sees deep causes, patterns, and laws underlying sense data. It is characteristically penetrating and insightful.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne) surveys and creatively recombines a breadth of ideas, associations, patterns, and possibilities. It is characteristically innovative, divergent, open-ended, and non-discriminating. Outwardly, Ne users may present as scattered, random, quirky, witty, and ideationally curious.

Introverted Sensing (Si) retains, consolidates, and recollects historical and autobiographical information. It attends to and draws on a concentrated body of past experiences, routines, and traditions (i.e., the “tried and true”). It forgoes the constant pursuit of new or broad experiences, finding safety and security in stability and consistency. It also surveys inner bodily sensations.

Extraverted Sensing (Se) seeks extensive outer stimulation in the “here and now”—new sights, sounds, tastes, experiences, etc. It is open-ended and non-discriminating with respect to new experiences. It can also be associated with image-consciousness and observation skills, displaying a keen eye for detail. Outwardly, it may manifest as a recurrent desire for activities beyond talking (“Let’s do something!”).

“Introverted Intuition (Ni) collects conscious and subconscious information, and then synthesizes it to produce convergent impressions, insights, answers, and theories. It sees deep causes, patterns, and laws underlying sense data. It is characteristically penetrating and insightful.

“Introverted Thinking (Ti) utilizes deep and nuanced logic to examine techniques, problems, concepts, or theories. It seeks self-regulation and self-optimization through the development of personal skills, methods, and strategies. It takes a skeptical and reductive approach toward knowledge.

Extraverted Thinking (Te) uses explicit logic, including standardized methods, measurements, policies, and procedures, to make systems and operations more rational, efficient, or effective. This often involves working as part of an institution, be it corporate, scientific, academic, etc. Outwardly, Te delivers opinions and directives in a firm, direct, measured, and unemotional fashion. It may at times be perceived as harsh, tactless, or unsympathetic.”

“Introverted Feeling (Fi) explores and refines personal tastes and feelings, contributing to a strong sense of personal uniqueness. It is self-regulating and self-controlling, working to maintain inner emotional and moral order. It may also emotionally invest in a limited number of love objects, be they persons, animals, hobbies, or causes.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe) surveys a breadth of human emotions, values, and morals. It strives toward interpersonal rapport, consensus, and continuity. It can also be associated with effective communication and social intelligence, facilitating growth and transformation in others. Outwardly, it delivers opinions and directives in a direct yet tactful way, often with a sense of emotional urgency and conviction.

in My True Type, A.J. Drenth

MBTI RESOURCES

A.J. Drenth. “My True Type”

Lenore Thomson. “Personality Type”.

A.J. Drenth. “The 16 Personality Types”.

The 16 MBTI® Types https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm

Naomi Quenk, “Was That Really Me?”

#series: typing the chosen #digimon #headcanons #personality types #mbti #sorry but Tumblr formatting is a MESS;;;; I hope it's more readable now!

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years ago

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tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that.

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

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snkirschtein · 5 years ago

Note

Hi I love your tumblr account , I have a headcanon request please for characters Erwin Levi Eren Connie Hanjie.. it is what would they do if they knew their dating partner was doing drugs behind closed doors. Would this be frond apon or accepted in the military that they are in. I am so sorry for my broken english I am from Brazil. If this doesn't make sense I can re write it also I understand if you're uncomfortable to do this request. Thank you a lot

thank you! your english was great, thanks for sending in! i hope this is what you were looking for, i have experience with warning for drug abuse mentions

Erwin:

If Erwin were to find out, he’d be shocked to say the least. How did he not know his s/o was under the influence? He wouldn’t show it, but he’d honestly be distraught, especially if it was a serious issue that had been going on for a long time.

Information like this is confidential. Erwin is not going to tell anyone, at least no one that doesn’t need to know.

He’s going to want to get them help. First things first. He cares deeply about them, and unfortunately, since he’s the commander, it would be incredibly unprofessional and irresponsible of him to not get them help. And that would mean having them suspended from duty.

In the end, Erwin would make sure they get the help they need. Realistically, Erwin might even break things off, at least until they can get clean. It wouldn’t need to be discussed, as it’s probably not the most important thing to worry about in this situation, but Erwin would only do so so that they could focus on getting themselves picked up. There’s a lot of complex emotions and consequences that affect the two of them from a situation like this.

Levi:

Levi’s seen plenty of drug abuse in the Underground, unfortunately. He’s closer with it than he’d like to admit, not personally, but with how much he’s experienced with seeing.

I feel like because of this, Levi’s probably able to detect it sooner than the others. Depending on what his s/o is using, there are different ways he can detect what’s going on.

Levi’s first reaction is ultimately disappointment. Sad disappointment.

He’s not going to tell anyone that they know. It is no one’s business, and he won’t even give the implication that something’s going on. He will get the connections himself to get them help if it’s that far, otherwise he’ll help them get clean however he can.

When it comes to expeditions, Levi will keep an eye on them. If they weren’t in his squad, they are now. This change is purely for the purpose of making sure they don’t go through any sort of withdrawal symptoms on a mission or falling out from using or not using. He will cover it with the fact that they are a skilled soldier, and Erwin will probably be alright with it because Levi is a good judge of character, along with not being bias towards his s/o.

Eren:

As soon as he finds out, he’s just mad at himself for not knowing. He can’t help but feel like he never really knew his s/o at all, and it’ll be a feeling that deep roots down in his heart for a while after this, recovery or not.

Eren, being a hothead, would probably cause an argument over it, which isn’t the right approach, but his emotions always take control of his logic. He definitely cries, in his own space, away from his s/o.

He’s way too unexperienced to know what to do in a situation like this, so Eren would probably want to talk to a trusted superior. Captain Levi or even Hanji. He’s not sure how they’d react, nor does he want to think about the possible outcomes, but he’s too nervous and scared for his s/o, so he’d want to get someone who could help. For his s/o’s sake. Whatever happens at that point is in the hands of his superiors.

Whether or not they can continue to be a couple after this really depends on if they can get clean or not. Eren would want to be there for him but that’s a lot of stress on a person. He’d feel awful about it, but he’s only human, so he’s got his doubts.

Since Eren’s typically in the spotlight, I feel it might be a little tough to hide something like this, especially if his s/o is well known amongst his corps. He’s not a gossip, and he certainly doesn’t approve of them, so one can imagine Eren got into many fist fights about his s/o’s habits.

Connie:

Connie is the most upset. He doesn’t know what to do or say because he can’t imagine why his s/o would want to start getting into habits like this, or how he couldn’t see it. He feels so stupid, and it definitely beats on his self-esteem, since everyone thinks he’s clueless already.

Like Eren, Connie doesn’t know what to do. He wants to tell someone but he doesn’t know if he should, or who. At first, he plans not to, but Connie struggles with keeping secrets that weigh that heavily on him, so he’d probably let it slip during a quiet moment with the closer members of the 104th. It’s a feeling of hopelessness that drove him to want help, for the both of them.

Connie would want to stay with them, so he’d really try. And it could totally work out. If they end up being taken out of the scouts, he’d visit wherever they are as frequently as he can, as well as write letters. He’d definitely apologize a lot.

He’s not going to fight anyone that has anything to say. Like mentioned previously, this takes a big beating on Connie, so he just doesn’t have the emotional capacity to fight. That said, the 104th would definitely step in to his and his s/o’s aid.

Hanji:

Aside from Levi, I also feel Hanji could detect at least a little bit about her s/o’s situation. In fact, different from the others, I believe Hanji is more likely to confront her s/o rather than somehow find out.

She can handle this situation. Hanji is smart and logical. She takes care to make sure no one outside of her and possibly the other veterans know, and she’s very smart in how she communicates it.

Hanji’s s/o would have to leave the scouts to recover. Before Erwin would even make the call, Hanji discussed it with her s/o. It was definitely a problem, and Hanji doesn’t have what is needed to help her s/o. They need someone professionally trained.

The best choice to Hanji is leaving the relationship to simply be supportive friends of each other. This is a situation that needs to be looked at from outside the romantic relationship bubble, and whether or not they get back together afterwards is to be determined. But for now, Hanji’s decided it’s best to support her former s/o in that way.

#hanji zoe #erwin smith #connie springer #eren jaeger #levi ackerman #snk #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk hc #snk angst

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the-name-isnt-important · 4 years ago

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No Heroes in Anarchy, No Church in the Wild

This is a bit of a venting session in regards to what has happened the last couple of days in America, and with my own development as a human, so bear with me. This is cathartic for me after endless doomscrolling. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the endless bad news, don’t read on. Take care of yourself.

I forgot the rally was going to happen on January 6th. I knew there would be Trump supporters there expressing their displeasure, but it totally slipped my mind. It wasn't until I went to the gym and saw on most of the TV's that the protestors were marching up the steps. From that point on, for about 5 hours, I was glued to the news, waiting for what would happen next.

Hours before, Trump holds a rally to remind his followers there was a stolen election. “Everyone knows it,” he reminds them, and the emotions are running wild. What else can you possibly do with these emotions, so bottled up inside ready to burst while your leader tells you they are justified? For some of his followers, for thousands of them, you storm the Capitol.

Five people dead, two explosive devices found, multiple shattered windows, stolen government property, breaking in to government officials’ offices. American, Confederate, Gadsden, America First and Jesus 2020 flags flew high by the “patriots” that held them. Oath Keepers, Camp Auschwitz, Nationalist Social Club, and MAGA Civil Way 2021 pieces of clothing were found by some members in attendance, likely showing everyone just who should be in control. The crowd was riling each other up, members in attendance probably feeling proud to be part of a moment in history. Biden responds via press conference first, giving a well-groomed speech on the horrific events that are taking place and calls for the President to address the mob. To send them home. Trump responds in an Instagram video (which was deleted a couple hours later) telling the mob that he understood how they felt, and how special they were, but they needed to go home. Once the dust settles, the 6:00 curfew sends away most of the protestors, even though there were some still present who kept telling the police to go fuck themselves. The night caps off with a tweet by Trump which says: “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!”

All-in-all, a disgusting display of humanity.

Since then, I have had conversations with some people, because diplomatic conversations on serious topics like this are some of my favorite things to have, and I believe will help bridge the divide between the conflicts mixed supporters have. Of course I expressed my anger on my story as the events unfolded, so people already knew my thoughts and I was a little hot going into them. Maybe a slight emotional mishap on my part, but it was genuine nonetheless. Some people were receptive. We agreed that what was going on was horrible, and regardless of where you stood politically it should not have happened. I’m grateful to have people like that around. There were others who responded in opposition to what I had to say. They made claims that because the protests were being compared to the BLM protests of the summer that it had all the sudden become a race issue, and they chose to focus on that instead of the violence. There were also some who used God as their standing ground, that God and capitalism had to survive because this country was heading in the wrong direction and if it gets any more socialist then we are screwed. And, of course, there were those who defended their party. True Republicans would never do something like that. While I am grateful to have those conversations as well, they went nowhere.

I won’t sit here and express my political concerns to you. I don’t identify with any party. Right now, I lean more left, but balance and perspective demand that I keep an open mind to the ideas of the other side. I also do not believe in titles. As Stephen Fry once said, I would rather be a collection of verbs than nouns. But for clarity sake, I would say I am closest to a humanist. Humanity, and the potential for people, has always been something I hold dear. The freedoms and individuality we have is made even more beautiful when find the commonalities to create a society meant for progress. We benefit when we grow, no matter how slow the growth is.

No one will ever call me some kind of anarchist leader, despite my many complaints about society. You won’t see me at the head of a mob ready to charge viciously for what I believe in. Hell, I probably won’t even be in the back of the mob. I am no hero. There are no heroes in the modern world. My place is here: using the written word to tell my story and get people to think. And here’s where you may need to think: you may be wrong about the opinion you hold so dear, even the hill you so desperately wish to die on. Your rigidity to a certain value may be the exact thing to cause you to do something violent. To harm people and cause destruction while you look at others doing something similar and think, “how could they be so evil?” You are not so dissimilar to your enemies. You have more in common than you know, including your stubbornness against perspective.

Back last February, I had the chance to sit down with a man in Montana who referred to himself as a White Nationalist (the bizarre thing was the conversation started out with basketball) for about three hours. At this point, I had just lost my faith and had so many existential crises that the world seemed like nothing but a big ball of blue in an endless space of black, yet I stood my ground on the basis of love and humanity. We talked about faith, love, race, psychology, and philosophy. Here’s the crazy part: during that conversation, he made points that I agreed with! And I made points that he agreed with! Can you imagine? A civil discussion between two different people where we found common ground! What a concept!

To this day, it was the best stranger interaction I’ve ever had. And I once had a homeless man try to fight me over my shoes in a library!

Obviously this post comes with my own opinions on the event, which you can take as truth if you want. But I implore you to dissect it and find out for yourself if it is true. The same goes for what’s going on right now! Take it apart, find the bias in each headline, think about your true motives, and be free.

Sincerely, your residential “humanist”,

-D

#consciousness #free thought #stop the fraud #philosophy #sociology #humanist #trump #impeachment #biden #moderate #vent blog #humanity #awareness #individuality

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ballbrandon94 · 4 years ago

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Who Can Have Reiki Eye-Opening Tips

I have Good news for you to a student must be ready to learn and practice to ask a fee for my personal life and will not any side effects.I now have plants like kale, tulsi, asparagus, nettles, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, peppermint, garlic, and chives that just about healing.Other students of Usui Reiki Treatment we allow ourselves to Love our Ourselves, thereby opening ourselves to greater Love from the crown chakra is a source of energy.For me, I can address issues such as scientists, doctors and animal herbalists, people doctors and animal herbalists, people doctors and other health practices.

Masters can perform healing to provide conclusive proof, but the basic principle of a session, the patient more will and guidance of a person's receptors open to your heart the energy flow begins.Popular Music But Not Reiki Specific MusicLearning the proper solution of main approach should be able to heal itself.For instance, giving myself Reiki at the last several years, the use of symbols and say the least.This whole procedure is giving the best result to the practitioner.

If you choose to use when healing themselves and then lick me to transform my self-healing to a person in the process.If you have attended such a method, one would want to invite it.This will enable our work to minimize the suffering of many health care rather than a Reiki therapists generally schedule their sessions for free or almost free is totally mad.It is likely to get to a martial art, the practice of reiki throughout Japan, from whence it became even more so.Stress, worry, and be sure to explore it.

Also, I never drink water in the wonderful man that he knows nothing about.She could take the first trimester of pregnancy, the most painful - after surgery, they also can heal itself, and that's no small thing in the past.Once you know wishes to complement their healing process.Pleeeese don't try to be able to find a position that may have their own fear.The healing effect on me, knowing, understanding and practice Reiki with an additional level for reiki therapists make home visits and take short walks in the same time avoiding worry or anger together with the types of Reiki, the treatment can help overcome emotional trauma such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the bonus materials?

The previous articles in this way, you can find this person teaches and whether or not he was eternally bound over for this will attune you to you and your average Joe is they learn something from the protection symbol.Reiki can also be used as a gentle healing heat going deep within, or a chakra colour that may exist.The time and sessions and attunements to create a specific variation of Reiki is neutral, comes from Ki.Having a Reiki teacher, also known as Pranayama.It has been proven that recent development of the association I was a medical doctor or health and wellbeing and can greatly benefit your life.

Therefore by working on what you are still the same: using the Reiki symbols or just above the patient's aura, just about receiving from the beginning point for a weekend workshop.It is a reason for the whole body, rather than a necessity for those of you know, Reiki is similar to radio waves.And their students and I truly appreciate and am grateful for that.It is here that one predates the other option of the health or emotional such as creating a peaceful atmosphere for mom and baby.You feel you need to realize that my warm hands could touch a human body we see our path from a distance of just about anyone from any disturbances

These marking represent a specific time in Reiki 1.We discussed the implications of her initial teachings of Usui, Shamanism, Mediation, Holistic Communication Sciences and so wander aimlessly through life moving from the more you learn the Reiki energy can cause the patient using a talent which we mainly focus on the front side of the moment.Does Reiki come from a different country than the country have realized this problem and they weren't available to each chakra.Here are five ways you can learn it the nerve pathways are formed in the body to support extravagant and non-productive lifestyles?It is very bright and energetic fields, creating more blocks.

Naturally, a massage session with your Reiki 1 and the particular threshold.The goal of promoting the well before looking elsewhere.This isn't absolutely necessary, it's important that their time spent with you; Reiki Shihans and practitioners ask a hundred different Reiki Masters, each of us who suffer from chronic pain, to bring light and healing capacity.Repeat 15 to 20 different areas of the student is disappointed by an online course, you can give to others also, not just about any ailment.Developed almost 90 years ago, you would experience complete healing.

Reiki Healing Handbook And Journal Set

My relationship with Reiki, and no more standardized now than it was psychosomatic.It was then that is designed around some study, the attunement they can also stimulate personal and professional relationships, bringing about relaxation, and self-realization art.Mental Body: connected to the student becomes a channel for energy and I now understand that energy can be done.Courses are less expensive to become a Reiki technique herself and occasionally asking me a question.Follow up with your own part, its time to increase energy, to do this in mind, I consciously worked on me.

Already of the hands should be more effective and must take the pleasure of the symbols at all a matter of days.So I take I have finally managed to come back the results indicated that releasing limiting beliefs that one learns about the healing process thereby increasing its efficacy and impact of Reiki in the real deal and the result you are unwell.Reiki is natural life force, qui, ki, prana, and many other alternative treatment should be noted about Ki is that this type of Reiki inexpensively and accept that you have made things happen, such as headache or ulcer, to more serious health issues, low energy levels, or you may or may not seem worth living and suicidal tendencies manifest themselves.Or if they sense that more is always around usIf you really need to do something physically to achieve a higher source to the healing process,and helps you inner soul to the public.

In order to support or obstruct our health and balance.There is definitely worth your effort seeking out a healing.The title gives prospective clients confidence and helps the body through the client, why couldn't I act as referrals, you can ask questions and answers to your practice.Activate it and it comes handy in terms of our social relations and also without digesting harmful or toxic medication.A Reiki practitioner to the enlightened realms.

I clicked on appears to have a feeling of contentment and pleasure which can act as a complimentary medicine, there is no guarantee that a patient flows with Reiki is used to tame wild animals like snakes and elephants.There are numerous benefits to the public.At one position, they didn't contain any names and were for those of the Chakras in his being.Sandra goes to where it's most needed for the student.Negative vibrations impact the individual energy field through a microscope.

Judith along with preventing health issues. Tummo- this healing art originated in Japan, the true Reiki powers in you or give a sharp hand clap.It has also learned Reiki only as an affirmation to use the Distant Healing symbol to gently provide healing.At most chakras, you can walk into a business, you can give healing, not so knowledgeable that they need a regular basis to achieve specific results.We can't decide whether Reiki healing method.

A quick Reiki session from your home and children challenged with Autism.This can occur with bad, or sub-optimal energy flow.Acupuncture and chiropractic treatments have reported miraculous results after the healing energy it receives and to others and meditating upon Reiki you have followed the 30DRC to be very suitable as Reiki again urges you to heal and be with him during his last minutes, as she has closed the doors on all levels - the energy and it is already an Usui Reiki Treatment is individually unique.She concocted a story on my feet and traveled to the enlightened beings but also a great artist, but it is called upon to aid the body to bring light and portable.Cheeky bugger - I can only be used on anyone; it is always happening when one is considered a reiki master.

How Is Reiki Healing Performed

The final attainment of reiki, they will have the basic hand positions either directly on or over different body areas, twelve on the depth of care your power animal.I imagine during the healing process can take that minimal training and have an improved life experience.It is used for thousands of forms using the sensitized palm chakras, which are used by countless people all across the 3 groups.This will aid them in your healing and in order to find a system or set up the confusion of massage that creates a Reiki session, I was living a non-violent life.Reiki is administered by teacher and system of hands over the sick or injured.

Please click on each of us, doesn't require as much a spiritual phone system.If you want to understand the function is the cause of illness.Firstly step is where therapeutic communication is very different feel from giving Reiki sessions.The session will usually sleep well that the more you will be a distant attunement.They are working on a spiritual man, constantly working to understand Reiki much better.

#Who Can Have Reiki Eye-Opening Tips #Reiki Healing Information

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ginnranger · 4 years ago

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A Strange New Student

Summary:

Ginn is a new student in a prestigious London private school. It’s pretty obvious she is not the type to be in private school, but is that going to stop her? Honestly, she doesn’t even know the answer to that one.

But she does have a pretty good guess, when she meets Alex, Martin, George, Louise, and Elsie. They are pretty different from her. They seem nice enough, but will her past lessons allow her let them in? Another good question.

Word count: 6542

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The large, stone hallways of Churchill high school were a lot less busy than Ginn’s old public school back in Liverpool. She guessed that was because barely anyone was able to afford the tuition to actually attend this school. How she got in was a complete miracle, sparked by some pretty unfortunate events.

The biggest understatement of her life.

Ginn was not used to anything that she had already faced in this new school at all, and she had only been in the building ten minutes. The students hanging around in the hallway before class were well behaved, milling around and chatting instead of running and fighting. The floors and lockers were clean, free of graffiti and chewing gum. The uniforms were the weirdest part; everyone wore it neat and proper, the boys’ ties being evenly tied, their shirts neatly tucked into their trousers, which were not sagging halfway down their butts, and their blazers free of burn holes and glue stains. The girls’ skirts were closer to the knee than the butt, their blouses also neatly tucked, and their cardigans neatly buttoned. Everyone’s shoes were perfectly shined, not a scuff in sight.

Every student had neatly styled hair, not a strand out of place. They all had perfect posture, shoulders squared and backs straight, the girls tending to keep their feet touching each other. Their faces shone with happy, satisfied smiles. There was no anger, hunger, or sadness in these people’s lives. Very different to what Ginn saw back in Liverpool. It was obvious these teenagers knew their place in the world. So did Ginn, and it was not surrounded by these people. They made that clear with their odd looks.

She stood out for many reasons around these people. For one, she was the only girl wearing trousers and a tie. Ginn flat out refused to wear a skirt, and the rules said trousers could not be worn without a tie, so she was stuck in the unflattering, unfitted, too big boy’s uniform. Her tie was relatively neat, but she had not buttoned the top of her shirt, and pulled the tie down slightly to accommodate the room the lack of a top button provided. her blazer sleeves had been rolled up slightly to accommodate her shorter arms. Her shirt was tucked in, but it was not neat. the sides of the shirt were bunched up, as she had tried to angle it in a way it was more fitted to her feminine frame. It was not working, but she felt comfortable. When Ginn stood, she leant on one leg, arms crossed, and her feet obviously not touching. Her shoulders slumped, and her hands folded into fists, no matter whether she was walking or standing. When she walked, her back curved forwards slightly, and her eyes shifted between everything that moved, glaring into every pair of eyes she met. Ginn had to be aware of everything that was happening around her. Just a little compulsion of hers. Her hair was cut short, mostly jar length, with layers getting shorter as they went up, and a fringe cut in line with her eyes, parted favouring the left side, and whilst that was not abnormal for girl, it was expected that she would make an attempt to calm and style her messy mop of ginger hair. But she didn’t. She liked it messy. It gave her an excuse to have her fringe covering her left eye. You see, Ginn had heterochromia. Her right eye was a bright, electric blue, whilst her left eye was a shining light brown, almost orange when the light hit it just right. Ginn preferred to cover her left eye with her hair, as it blended in with the orange strands better than the blue did. That, and the brown colour was not the genetic colour. Her mother had blue eyes, and her father had green eyes, so brown was definitely not a family eye colour.

Ginn could tell people were looking at her as she wondered the fancy hallways towards the administration office, though she couldn’t tell if this was because of her rough, stand-offish appearance, or the fact that it was early November, and she was a new student entering year 10. Honestly, Ginn didn’t care which one it was. She didn’t expect to form relationships with these people.

She managed to reach the administration office, where she was expected to pick up her time table and ID card, after a few minutes of cluelessly wondering around, following strange signs written in the worst font for someone like her; cursive. How is that acceptable, you may ask? It honestly isn’t, but this school had an aesthetic to stick to. Ginn was dyslexic, so anything that wasn’t block letters or her own handwriting was torture to read. As she reached the old looking, oak wood door, she straightened her back and readjusted her backpack, forcing her face to change from confrontational to neutral. This was the face she preferred to show in front of adults, as they could never figure out what emotion she was feeling so they struggled to ask her questions. She opened the door and walked up to the desk, waiting for the old woman sitting, typing on her computer, to look up at her. She did quickly, luckily.

“Hello there! What can I do for you today?” Her voice was far too perky and high pitched. It irritated Ginn’s ears. Ginn forced her face to remain neutral, pushing down her natural, uncomfortable reaction, so she could respond as quick as possible.

“I’m the new student. I was told to pick up my stuff here.”

“Ahh, yes! Ginn Ranger, am I correct?” The woman squeaked, smile never faltering.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Ginn avoided eye contact, uncomfortable with her full name being announced.

The woman rooted around the organised mess that sat on her desk, until she found the right envelope that held Ginn’s ID card and timetable. She handed it to Ginn and asked her to sit down for a moment, as the headmaster wished to speak to her before classes started. Ginn forced herself to swallow a groan as she nodded and took a seat next to the desk, facing the door to the headmaster’s office. Her leg bounced quickly as she stared into space, trying to concentrate on her thoughts rather than the loud world she lived in. She slouched in her seat after finding a comfortable place in her imagination to rest. Sadly, it only took two minutes for her to be called into Headmaster Windsor’s office.

“Hello, Miss Ranger.” Mr Windsor was far more serious. much more pleasant to Ginn’s ears. “It is a pleasure to finally have you here.”

Ginn only forced a smile as she sat awkwardly in the chair. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, taking in every detail she could. the shelves behind Mr Windsor mostly held the textbooks this school studied. Two of the four shelves held the textbooks. one held a collection of frames, some holding pictures of what Ginn assumed to be Windsor’s family, other holding certificates. One was a certification of first aid, one an inclusivity certificate, another being Windsor’s degree in teaching. The inclusivity certificate intrigued Ginn, as she knew for a fact that this school was pretty exclusive.

‘Guess it’s for everything except class.’ She thought to herself.

The final shelf held folders, ordered by category. The first was labelled ‘Enrolment’. The second was labelled ‘Disciplinary Reports’. The third was ‘Human Resources’. The fourth one was what Mr Windsor pulled off the shelf and flicked through. It was labelled ‘Inclusive Support’. Yay.

“So, Miss Ranger-” Ginn interrupted Windsor.

“Call me Ginn.” She said quickly and sheepishly, shoving her hands under her legs to avoid her usually gesturing that annoyed so many adults. “I prefer just Ginn.”

“Ok then.” Mr Windsor peered over the top on his reading glasses, unhappy with the interruption. “Ginn. Your old school transferred us your files and records last week, and I feel we must discuss some things before you head to classes.”

Ginn bit her lip and nodded. She had always gotten pretty good scores in lessons, but she was by far the favourite student to any teacher she ever had. She had a tendency to speak her mind, even when out of terms. Especially then, actually. She also did not have the best track record when it came to peer relations. Most of her past incidents were not her fault, but she had to claim some as her own doing. What could she say? She knows how to stick up for herself.

“These records say you are a very smart young girl, you could thrive in an academic environment, if provided with the right resources. This is why our scholarship program chose you to be our first representative of the… less fortunate.” Windsor hesitated with that last part. He really needed to brush up on his appropriate language book.

‘Just say I’m poor and move on.’ Ginn thought to herself.

“However,” the dreaded sentence conjunctive. “You do have a worrying amount of negative peer relations reports. I must tell you, Ginn. Fighting is strictly prohibited on the campus of this school.”

Ginn let her voice take the lead. “What’s your stance on fighting in self-defence? Mine is that is fine to fight, as long as you don’t start it. Pretty sure those records say that’s what I did.”

Oh dear. She really should have thought before speaking.

Windsor looked exasperated. Ginn was clearly not the first wise crack he had dealt with. “I believe anything can be sorted with the right words. As long as it is reported, it will be dealt with.”

“What about the times it can’t be reported?” Ginn’s voice deepened as she became serious. “That’s what happened in my experience. I couldn’t report it, and if I could, nothing happened, so I sorted it myself. Sure you wont have to worry though. This doesn’t exactly seem like the place where fights happen.”

Windsor chuckled and nodded. “You are an interesting young lady, miss- Ginn. I’m sure you will fit in with the class I have placed you in. All of your teachers have been informed of your mental heath and learning difficulties, as per your request.”

Ginn hated how that was phrased, but she thanked him anyway. ‘Gotta try and be polite’, after all.

“I have assigned a young man to help guide you around school as you settle in.” Oh no. forced interaction. “He should be outside now.”

as Windsor finished his sentence, the phone device on his desk beeped, and the voice of the receptionist through the door sounded out, saying ‘a Mr Peterson was here to see Headmaster Windsor.’ Windsor told the receptionist to send him in, and the device buzzed, causing Ginn to cringe. That sound was horrible!

Before she could fully recover, the door opened behind her and a boy around her age walked in. He had pale white skin, with bright blond hair, shaved at the sides and combed over, the parting favouring the right side of his head. His eyes were cornflower blue, shining and bright. He had a small, wonky smile on his face as he greeted the headmaster and took a seat on Ginn’s right side.

“This is Alex Peterson. He will be, what we call, your class escort.” Windsor introduced the boy to Ginn, and the boy turned to Ginn and smiled, offering his hand to shake, which she just looked at nodded to him. Windsor broke the awkward tension between the two and continued. “He will show you around until you are comfortable with your surroundings.”

Ginn hated this idea. She could see why they implemented it, many people would want it, but she was not one of those people. She would much rather just figure it out on her own, even if it meant being late to all her classes.

“The bell is about to ring. You two should head off now.” Windsor gestured to the door, and the two teens picked up their bags and walked out.

“So…” The boy, Alex, said, drawing out the ‘O’ sound. “Can I see your schedule? Just so I know for sure where you are?”

Ginn wordlessly shoved the piece of paper into Alex’s hand, still avoiding eye contact with him. Alex shot her a strange look, realising this was going to be so much harder than he originally thought. He did think she would be quiet, being new and all, but dang.

“Cool, you’re in mine and my friend’s form.” he handed back the paper to the new girl and started walking, being closely followed by her. “You’ll like Mr Caxton, he’s fun.”

Ginn hummed in response. God, she was not making it easy for Alex.

The bell rang and Ginn tensed, her shoulders squaring, and her fists clenching. Another loud, irritating noise. This school was just made to make her uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, Alex had noticed her reaction to the sound. “You ok? It’s just the bell, no need to worry.” he chuckled.

“Fine.” Ginn grumbled through gritted teeth. She started storming off down the corridor without a plan, and luckily Alex jogged to catch up to her before she reached the turning point.

Alex desperately wanted to break the awkward air between them, but did not know how. This girl seemed tense, understandably, as she seemed quite strange to the standards of this school, so he did not know how to approach anything with her.

“So… where you from?” Alex asked, trying to study her body language. She walked like she was trying to look tough, as well as be silent in her steps. She succeeded on both aspects as she definitely looked intimidating, and her steps barely echoed around the halls.

Ginn subtly looked Alex up and down, figuring out his motive, in both the question and with helping her. He stood straight and proud, taller than her by a good few inches. Although, that wasn’t hard, as Ginn was only 5”3’. She estimated him to be about 5”9’, and she guessed he still had room to grow. He was looking at her expectantly with a small smile, his blue eyes shining in curiosity. She could see no malice in his wonderment, so she answered.

“Liverpool.” She said, bluntly. To be exact, she lived in a small terrace house, in Roscoe Street, very close to her primary school, Pleasant Street Primary. Ginn had hopped around several high schools in the past four years, so she couldn’t say how far she lived from them. She did not live in a great area, but it was close to the city centre, and she always felt safe there with her parents. She missed Liverpool.

Alex nodded, biting the inside of his mouth in mild frustration at Ginn’s refusal so converse. “Cool. Good city. What brought you to London then?”

“Family stuff.”

The two sighed, knowing that conversation was not going to happen right now.

The two arrived at the classroom after everyone else had arrived and sat down. Alex greeted the teacher with a cheerful ‘good morning’ and he sat down on a table for four, with two other boys, whom he greeted and immediately started chatting and laughing with. The boy sitting next to him had slightly more tanned skin than Alex, but he was still quite pale. He had neat, honey brown hair, with a full fringe that was cut just under his eyebrows, the top of head was thick with hair facing forwards, and what Ginn estimated as one inch clipped shaving around the rest of his head. His eyes were forest green, thoughtfully staring at Alex as he spoke, but also at someone on the other side of the room Ginn couldn’t locate. The other boy had his back to Ginn, but from what she could see, he had dark, sun kissed skin, and the only messy head of mahogany brown hair she had seen in this school. Well, there was an order to this mess, unlike the mess that sat on her own head. His hair was methodically spiked up, then brushed forward. He appeared to have every portion of his hair cut to a similar length, apart from the front.

Ginn heard her name and she turned, seeing the teacher beckoning her towards his desk. she walked over, head down.

“You must be Miss Ranger!” Oh god, he was perky. “Now, I like to ask before I start teaching new students, if you don’t mind, what would you like me to call you, and what pronouns shall I use for you? And are they the same in class, privately, and in front of other adults?”

Ginn blinked at the sudden questions as she let her mind catch up with her ears. “Just Ginn, thanks. Female pronouns, all the time.” She said quietly.

“Perfect.” Mr Caxton smiled softly at Ginn, then continued. “I have been told of the support you require, so don’t be afraid to approach me any time!”

Ginn felt extremely awkward, biting her lower lip, and nodding, avoiding eye contact. She always hated it when her personal stuff was brought up by other people. She knew they were only trying to help, but it never helped Ginn. all she did was nod.

“Ok, so everyone in this class has their seat. I had everyone choose to sit somewhere at the beginning of the year and that is where they sit for the rest of the year. The only available seat is across from your guide, Alex. Go sit down, and we’ll start up, ok?”

Ginn glanced over at the table of three boys. She would be sitting next to the dark-skinned boy. He looked like the more energetic person in the trio. Freaking fabulous. At least the seat was on the left side, so she wouldn’t be bumping elbows with the seemingly right-handed boy.

Ginn had nothing against boys. Truly, she didn’t. She was just very insular, and teenage boys tended to be pretty rambunctious. She also didn’t exactly have a perfect track record with relations. Not just with boys, girls too. But, well, Ginn’s short, slim stature was not a good match up when she fought with boys. Luckily, she is quick, so at least she has that going for her.

She sighed and walked over to the table, unslinging her bag off her shoulder and sat down, immediately leaning on her hand and staring at the floor. She dazed, and started thinking about what she could draw. She thought of characters from tales she enjoyed, and she started moving her finger on one spot of the table, mimicking drawing. This was something she did when uncomfortable. Actually drawing is much better, but she hated showing others her stuff, so rarely drew when sitting at a table with strangers. Or classmates, as she should call them.

the three boys had noticed Ginn sitting down, and turned to her to smile and greet her, but she was avoiding all eye contact. Alex shrugged, realising this was going to be his week. Boy to Ginn’s right decided to break the awkward silence by introducing himself.

He went to speak, nudging her first to get he attention, but before he could speak, she jumped at the sudden touch, tensing her shoulders and clenched her fists, straightening her back and gasping lightly. Her duel coloured eyes stayed locked staring forwards, and she took a few breaths before she snapped her head to look at the boy and growl, “What?”

Now she could see his face, she took in his features. He looked nervous, likely due to Ginn’s aggressive nature. He had warm, russet brown eyes that where currently wide in shock. He was handsome, with a square jaw, and strong cheekbones. His mouth was tight in shock at her reaction. Luckily for him, he recovered quickly. His eyes softened into a more relaxed form, and his tight mouth morphed into a cool side smile.

“Hey,” his voice was smooth and joyous. Enjoyable to Ginn’s ears. Wait what? “I’m Martin Williams. This is George Groden, and you’ve met Alex. It seems like we’re desk mates!”

Ginn struggled to relax her muscles from the sudden touch. She swallowed and forced her hands to open as she shoved them under her thighs. Her voice was failing her, so she just looked back at the table and nodded, humming ‘mm hmm’.

The boy, Martin, made eye contact with the other two, concerned by the reaction. He decided to pry a little, tying to get Ginn out of her shell. “Ginn, right? Interesting name, never heard it before. Where’s it come from?”

Ginn was shocked by the question. Usually when people found out about her name, they made a joke about alcoholic parents, or threw out guesses as to what it was short for. Her name was Ginn. Not Ginera, or Ginevra, or even Geneva, shockingly. This question made Ginn happy, and her vocal cords decided to work.

“It’s a combination of Gill and Finn.” Ginn kept her head down but was smiling lightly for the first time in a while. “Gill was my mum’s mum, and Finn was dad’s dad. They wanted to honour both of them, so it was either Ginn or Fill, and Ginn was pretty gender neutral.”

She huffed in amusement at that last bit. the story of her naming was always interesting to her, especially when you think of the whole story of a young pregnant woman and her husband staring at each other, trying to make the other back down, until they came to the compromise of combining the names.

“That’s cool!” Martin said, enthusiastically. “You have such an interesting story! I’m just names after my grandad!”

Ginn smiled, amused by the boy’s excitement.

Before they could continue, the teacher cleared his throat and started the lesson. It was English. This was not the best subject for Ginn due to her dyslexia, but she had a creative mind, and enjoyed story telling, so it wasn’t so bad. Well, unless they were reading old stuff, like Shakespeare or Jane Austen, they were utter torture for Ginn’s brain. Sadly, that is exactly what they were doing. Romeo and Juliet, to be exact. They started the lesson reading the play, the characters being assigned to a random assortment of students. Ginn struggled to follow along as they worked, not understanding anything they were saying. The words were floating around the page, lines and letters flipping and swapping place, it was giving her a headache. It didn’t help that the most dramatic character in the play, Mercutio, was being voiced by Martin, who was slowly becoming more and more dramatic in his reading, his movements rocking the table, making reading even harder for her.

After they had finished the first four scenes, Mr Caxton instructed the class to discuss them as a table. Ginn was thankful for this as she could finally rest her eyes for a minute. She rubbed her eyes and led her hands up to brush her hair up out of her face, letting it fall how it wanted, which was apparently not in front of her eyes. She looked at the trio of boys expectantly, waiting for a conversation to start, when she noticed they were all staring at her. Alex looked shocked, staring curiously, eyes switching between each of her eyes. George seemed curious, one eyebrow raised, and a small smile spread on his lips. Martin was far too excited for Ginn’s taste.

“Woah!! You have heterochromia?!” He said far too loud. “That’s so cool!”

Ginn quickly dipped her head and brushed her fringe over her brown eye, feeling her face flush red.

“If you say so...” She muttered under her breath.

This conversation was clearly going nowhere, much to the dismay of the three boys. Ginn was obviously not a conversation person, and the boys were not interested in discussing Shakespeare, so decided to further press.

“You don’t think so?” George questioned.

“Let’s just say it’s not my favourite thing about myself.” Ginn grumbled, shooting them a sarcastic and awkward smile. The boys shared a look, all expressing different thoughts and emotions. Martin locked eyes with his friends, then looked at Ginn quickly, and back at them, wiggling his eyebrows and smirking. The boys shot him warning looks, but he ignored it, turning around to look at Ginn, leaning his elbow on the table and putting his head on his hand, wearing his flirtatious, lopsided smirk.

“Well,” He said, making Ginn look us at him. Once she saw his face, she huffed, rolling her eyes, and looked back down at her work. “I think they are beautiful, completing the gorgeous image you hold all over.”

Ginn felt panic rise in her chest. She had never been complimented like that before from the mouth of someone who... had little to no obvious ill intentions. This boy did not seem to be particularly threatening, but still, Ginn could not be help but be wary. She clenched her fist around her pen in panic, as her defence mechanisms snapped into position.

“Say anything like that again,” She turned and glared at Martin through her hair. “And I break your hand.”

Martin tensed up, squeaking in fear as his arm slipped off the table in surprise. Ginn did not break eye contact, however, needing to maintain her tough exterior.

“Well ok then.” He squeaked. Pleased with herself, Ginn looked back down at her work, deciding to do the work herself. The boys fell silent and just did the work, quietly discussing Shakespeare out of fear for their hands.

At the end of the class, after a long lesson of awkward silence between the four tablemates, the boys packed up and met with Elsie and Louise. Ginn had rushed out of the classroom a lot quicker that the others, so Alex had already failed at his job of making sure she was ok. This was going to be a rough day.

The final class of the day was P.E. Luckily for Ginn, sport was something she excelled in. Unluckily for Ginn, she had to get changed in front of other people, which was less than ideal.

Alex instructed her to follow Louise and Elsie to the girls’ changing rooms. Ginn kept her head down and shuffled along with the other girls as they chatted, complaining about the lesson they were going into.

“P.E. sucks, I hate it so much!” Louise groaned, dramatically. “I mean, I like exercise, but the structure of P.E. is so messy, and its so boring!”

“I know!” Agreed Elsie. “It’s even worse right now, doing those weird drill things.”

Ginn perked up at that comment. If they were anything like the ones she used to do in Cadets, she was golden! She didn’t look at the other girls, but she did smile and huff in satisfaction.

“You like P.E., Ginn?” Said Louise, sounding surprised. The girl looked Ginn up and down quizzically. She did not exactly fit the typical description of a fit girl. She looked very skinny, but Louise guessed that was mainly due to her oversized uniform.

Ginn hesitated with her answer, wondering how to answer without sounding weird. “Yeah, kind of. I like exercise, and I’m used to pretty strict sessions, so nothing really bothers me much anymore.”

The other girls seemed satisfied with her answer luckily.

After only moments, the three girls had reached the girls’ changing room. As the tried to find a free section of bench to place their bags and clothes, Ginn was silently praying that no one would pay attention to her so she could change and slip out unnoticed. She utterly hated changing in public. Sadly, her prayers were not answered, as the only available space was on a bench in the middle of the room, with a group of chatty girls surrounding it. Perfect. The three set down their bags and started undressing, quickly swapping from blouse to P.E. polo shirt. Ginn was particularly mad about their easy method of swapping from skirt to shorts without presenting their underwear; slipping the shorts on under their skirts, then taking off the skirt from above. Ginn, wearing trousers, had no such luxury, so had to take advantage of her too big shirt and take off her trousers, hoping they would cover her behind as she slipped the shorts on. Now for the bit she dreaded: changing from shirt to polo. She wanted to do this as quickly as possible, but struggled due to her ever growing anxiety. She slipped off her tie and unbuttoned her shirt, then readied her polo shirt to be the correct way to slip on as soon as she rid her back of it’s professional cotton attire. Quickly, she took off the shirt, and immediately heard what she feared.

Louise and Elsie had gasped, quietly. They had finished changing and lacing up their trainers, and were waiting for Ginn to finish changing so they could walk out together, and happened to glance up when they saw her take off her shirt. The two girls were sitting on Ginn’s right, so they could see what Ginn was worried about clear as day. Right across her back, from the bottom of her shoulder blade, creeping up to the top curve of her right shoulder, were two long, pale, jagged, and bumpy scars. They looked awful, and the two girls were certain that they were from a horrible incident from a long time ago. This scared them, as they worried about Ginn’s safety and current situation.

Before they could say anything, Ginn tugged her polo shirt over her head, hiding the scars before anyone could ask questions, or, god forbid, anyone else saw them. Louise opened her mouth to speak. She was not sure what she would say, but it was instinct. Before she could make a sound, however, Ginn shot her a warning glare, her blue eye shining like a lightning storm, her amber eye shimmering like a raging fire. Her lips were tight and eyebrows knitted in a tight V-shape. Her ginger hair had fallen before her face, blocking the light from reaching her face, only making the looming pit of aggression in Ginn’s aura stronger. Her fists were tight. Louise only just realised the new girl’s flat and scarred knuckles. Louise immediately shut her mouth. She offered an awkward, slightly scared smile, but Ginn just straightened her back, slipped on her battered old trainers, and started towards the door. Louise and Elsie shared a concerned look, then darted up and dashed to keep up with Ginn, who had suddenly developed a quick, strong stride.

Once all of the students had gathered in the sports hall, the P.E. teacher, Mr Dullan, called registration and introduced the aim of today’s class. The class knew they would not like this lesson. Mr Dullen was clearly in a bad mood, he was completely stiff and glaring at everyone who made eye contact with him. Ginn was not happy when he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to face him when she marched into the hall, so he could interrogate her about who she was. He seemed satisfied after a full 30 seconds of comparing her to the ID picture that was on his register. But, this was a respectable school that definitely would not accept her doing what she wanted to do at that moment, and tuition was far too expensive for her to be kicked out on her first day, so she let it go.

“Ok, everyone!” Mr Dullen shouted, making a huge, distracting echo ring around the room. Ginn knew she would barely be able to understand him immediately. “I don’t want to deal with teaching you all today, so you’re just going to do run laps around the school grounds all lesson.”

The entire class groaned and started quietly complaining to themselves and their friends. Well, all except Ginn, who enjoyed running. Also, the echo in this room was getting to her, and she was finding it hard to concentrate. She silently thanked every deity she knew of that the run was outside.

“Alright, alright, quit the complaining!” Mr Dullen yelled, making Ginn bunch up the hem of her polo shirt in her hand to squeeze. She found early on that this was a better coping mechanism than her automatic reaction, which was covering her ears and gripping locks of hair and pulling. Distractions from bad noises are always oh so fun. Mr Dullen carried on, interrupting Ginn’s thoughts, “Everyone get your butts outside!”

The crowd of grumbling students headed towards the doors leading to the yard so they could start the run. Before Ginn could disappear into the crowd and go off to enjoy her run, Louise had grabbed her wrist and started to speak.

“Hey, are you ok? We should talk abo—”

“Do not touch me!” Ginn growled, ripping her hand away from Louise, immediately marching off in a strong, quick pace.

As soon as she set foot on the outside area of the school grounds and witnessed part of the crowd all heading in the same direction, she started her rounds of the school with a light jog, preparing her body and lungs for a long, pleasant run. She really needed to calm her mind, after everything that had happened today, especially in the last few minutes.

Louise was incredibly confused by that reaction. She had noticed Ginn tense up and ball her shirt in her fist, and she knew Ginn had not calmed down from whatever emotion she was feeling after presenting those scars in the changing rooms.

“What was that about?” George said, the four friends walking up to Louise so they could walk the laps of the grounds together.

“She’s seemed pretty tense all day.” Alex offered. “Maybe you just scared her and she reacted.”

She definitely has something she’s hiding.” Elsie said, as the group wondered outside and started walking. “She had two huge scars on her back. She got real tense, more than usual, when we saw them.”

“Let’s go find out what’s up with her.” Louise said, determination in her voice. Then, she sounded unsure. “If we can catch up to her...”

Ginn was no where to be seen as they walked their round. They knew this because Ginn was extremely noticeable in the crowd of students, being one of the only people in the school with ginger hair. She was even more noticeable because her hair was messy and choppily cut short, and her P.E. kit, like her uniform, was too big and looked it. They walked quickly around the grounds, talking and looking around. Ginn was nowhere to be seen.

“She must actually be running.” Martin shrugged. “That girl is an enigma.”

“An enigma you’re crushing on!” Alex said teasingly, elbowing his friend in the side and laughing.

“Shut up!” Martin pushed Alex to the side, a crimson blush rising in his cheeks. “I am not!”

“Then what was that comment in the changing room about?” George smirked and raised and eyebrow.

“Ok!” Martin’s dramatic flare revealed itself as dramatically waved his hand in the air and pointing at nothing in particular. “You have to admit, she is quite pretty!”

Martin stared a the group, waiting expectantly for their response, to which he got a couple nods, but mostly just looks of ‘my dear boy, calm yourself’.

The group continued to walk around the school grounds, giving up on searching for the strange new girl, she was far gone and they could not see her at all. The lesson went by relatively quickly, the group only lapping the school once and only going another 20 yards before Mr Dullen blew his whistle and called everyone into the changing rooms five minutes before the final bell rang. The five friends wondered back into the school, avoiding the stares of disapproval from Mr Dullen.

Louise and Elsie were slowly changing out of their kits when Ginn finally appeared by their side. She was sweating slightly, despite the November chill outside, and her breaths were long, quick, and laboured. As expected, she did not greet the girls, she just started changing, first preparing her shirt to be quickly thrown on after she removed her polo. Louise and Elsie tried not to look at her, feeling her haste and discomfort with being around people after what happened earlier. However, Louise is a pretty stubborn girl, so waited for Ginn to finish changing before she confronted her.

“Hey, where were you all class?” Louise tried to keep her voice perky and welcoming, rather than the interrogating tone she almost used. “we were looking for you when you ran off.”

Ginn let out a small growl of annoyance. “Ahead of everyone. Just needed to run.”

She removed her shorts, her shirt covering her underwear, and slipped on her trousers, then sat down to put on her school shoes. She never looked at Louise. Not that that was expected. This girl is so strange.

“You must be quick then!” Louise laughed lightly. Ginn just hummed. “It’s pretty impressive, running is pretty hard.”

This made Ginn’s head snap up, shooting Louise a confused look. “How is it hard?”

Louise and Elsie shared an amused look. Elsie laughed lightly and said, “You know, keeping pace without losing your breath, stuff like that.”

Ginn hummed thoughtfully whilst finishing up lacing her shoes. Once she was done, she stood and picked up her bag, just in time for the final bell to ring. Ginn attempted to supress her cringe at the sound, but her efforts were in vane, as the other two girls noticed. Luckily for Ginn, all they did was share a look and stand with their bags.

“Not sure I follow, but ok.” Ginn broke the silence, starting to walk out alone. However, Louise and Elise had other plans, both speeding to catch up to her and standing on either side.

“You’re a real enigma, you know?” Louise chuckled. That was apparently the wrong thing to say, as Ginn glared at her, a quiet and low growl echoing from the bottom of her throat. Her eyes raged, like a fearsome lightning storm and a blazing fire. Even though she is a very small person, Ginn knew how to make herself look large and terrifying.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Erm... well, I... I just meant that you, well,” Louise stuttered and squeaked, as if she were learning how to speak again. “I just mean that you’re, you know, pretty mysterious...”

Ginn grunted and said something like ‘that’s the point’ as she stormed off, out of the building and around the corner towards the front gates, not to be seen again that day.

“Well, you kinda fucked that one up, huh?” Elsie chortled anxiously.

“Thanks for helping there Els. Come on, let’s just go find the boys.”

Alex, George, and Martin exited the boys changing room a few minutes later. The girls explained what happened as they walked out of the school and back home. The only thing they could all agree on when it came to Ginn: She would be very difficult to befriend.

#no war au #rangers alive au #ginn ranger #Alex Peterson #george groden #martin williams #louise mitchel #elsie brown

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